Scared of Chemo?

As soon as my head hit the pillow last night some tears rolled down the side of my face. I felt a little party coming on. They actually feel kind of good sometimes, don't they? I started crying. G: What's the matter? E: I'm scared of chemo. G: Hmm... Cried a few more drops. E: Actually, I'm not scared of chemo. I guess if I should be scared of anything, it should be the cancer. G.Yea. E: Do you think I should take a sleeping pill? E: There's a half up on the dresser. E. I'd really like to sleep tonight. Do you want one too? G: Na.

I decided to take it. Lying there, I was thinking, I should be more spiritual in dealing with this. I should think of God right away, but just grab a pill? What's that? "Safe in the Arms of Jesus"... I heard that song in my mind earlier last night too. Chemo gives me the creeps! Just think you lie there, perfectly healthy... well, I guess not perfectly healthy, there's that cancer we still want to get rid of. And then they stick in an IV and start pouring in the toxics, drugs, chemicals - to make you better!!! I always avoid exactly all those kinds of things as much as possible. And now on Tuesday (probably) it's going to flow through my body and kill good and bad stuff and make me feel sick and uncomfortable. Tears...not too many, just and nice and comfortably pitying tears. "Safe in the Arms of Jesus... " - there it is again. E. I try to tell myself,"Ellie, get this staight! The chemo is not meant to kill you off! It's meant to kill off the cancer cells". I still don't like the prospect of these chemo treatments! What do you do when it starts going through your body? I've heard of people visualizing the chemo zapping the cancer cells, cheering them on, go get 'em boys! I could always pray! I could always remember all of God's promises. I don't feel that spiritual right now. I could always... "Safe in the Arms of Jesus..safe in His tender care... " Wow! that song keeps coming up from way back there....! Can anyone help me with the rest of the words? It seems to be coming up as a theme song in my mind and I'd love to have the rest of the words. Time to crawl back into bed for awhile.