Another New Day!

Yay! Another new day! Just like my mother always says, "Everything will look better in the morning after a good night of sleep." And even though I don't want to admit it, she's always been right about that.

So yesterday afternoon was our big appointment with the oncologist. We really heard just exactly what we had expected to hear and already knew, and nothing worse. I have been diagnosed with Central Nervous System Lymphoma. It is a type of cancer very responsive to treatment, so that is good. I am considered a "young" patient - under 65, which allows them to be agressive and use both chemo and radiation that would not be used for older people. Because the cancer is in my brain, they have to use chemo that will pass through the blood brain barrier. So I need a kind of chemo that requires a lot of fluids and special monitoring which can only be done at the hospital, so I'll be at Sunnybrook Hospital every four weeks for four or five days for up to about six rounds. Along the way they will do CT scans to see how/whether the tumors are responding to the treatment and if all goes as hoped, this chemo will be followed up with four or five weeks of radiation. So they are hoping to arrest the growth of the tumors as soon as possible, put it in remsission, get rid of it, so there is good treatment and hope. At the same time there is also the possibility that it will return someday. Considering it is in the brain, there are some risks and this is can be an intense and not so pleasant treatment. In the meantime, we are hopeful. They will do what they can do and they did not say, "You have cancer and there is nothing we can do!" So, they're going to start me on chemo right away this week. The medical services in this city are amazing and we feel so blessed to have acesss to everything so readily!! We feel very comfortable with our oncologist, Dr. Berinstein, and also our assigned nurse, Angela. They are both very open and very comfortable for us to be with. A bed has been requested at Sunnybrook and if one is available (traumas at Sunnybrook get priority) I will start this Tuesday.

So those were the medical facts.... and then I started crying. Nothing we heard was shocking or surprising, but at the same time it was the cold, hard, reality that truly struck me for the very first time. I felt like I was suddenly deflated from the totally unreal high I had been on for these last two weeks. We cane home and all felt like this visit was like an anti-climax in a way. I didn't know what to do with myself, walking around feeling a bit like a zombie and weepy and everything seemed overwhelming..
On the way home were were talking about what needed to be done soon, by Tuesday. Update people on the diagnosis, pick up prescriptions, get a laptop? buy a wig? take a picture? clothes for the hospital?

And then... Melanie whipped out a box of her mother's wigs and it was a perfect transition! We all tried out and modelled wigs, took pictures (coming soon), great comic relief! For the rest we had dinner together and watched a few episodes of Corner Gas, and just relaxed and hung out together. It'll take time to process all of this. However, it's a relief to be coming down off that unrealistic high (I'm still on steroids and still positive!) and to be getting on with what's really going on. Alida and I are off for a while today to look for some comfortable lounge clothes to wear at the hospital. It's such a blessing to have her here!