Saturday around the House

The first lawn to be cut along our street this spring.  The freshly cut grass smells like summer! Soooo good!

I divided and transplanted my tomato plants and moved some herbs from around the garden into our patio barrels.  So far I have chives, multiplier green onions, and parsley.  The basil is still in its pot because it needs to be hardened off (get used to outside air) before staying outside overnight.  I always love just going out on the patio to cut fresh herbs for my sandwiches.  The lettuce and swiss chard I seeded earlier this week, is not showing yet.  Maybe next week.

This morning, after going grocery shopping with Gerard, I followed my usual Saturday morning routine of cooking and/or baking while listening to a gardening show.  I baked pumpkin blueberry muffins and made my first green smoothy using dandelion greens from our organically grown lawn. I drank it and am still alive, so I guess it's OK to use our home-grown greens (as long as you don't use fertilizer or pesticides on your lawn!) This morning I saw dandelion greens for sale in the produce department for $2. a bunch!   

Gerard's back is improving.  He feels better standing up or lying down rather than sitting, unless he has a good straight sturdy chair. 

Chemo & Radiation or ???

Now that I am home again and looking at the pictures in this post, the hospital seems like a whole other world that is very very far away. This is what my arms looked like.  Hard to imagine now that I'm home and all the IV tubes and tape are removed.

I've been thinking about the chemo treatments and it seems so ironic that all these toxins are poured into our bodies as a cure for cancer.  I have seen patients come back from chemo and radiation treatments, just sooo ill!  And this is supposed to make us better (in the end)! 

The chemo is considered to be toxic and therefore all these cautions are posted on our doors. 

And the nurses have to wear gowns, gloves, and masks to protect themselves from the toxins.  Pregnant nurses are not allowed into our rooms while chemo is being administered. No one (except me) is even allowed to touch the chemo pills that I take at home for a few days each month. 

And everything that has been used in administering the chemo (gown, gloves, mask, tubing, wrapping) all gets disposed into this special toxic waste unit.

As patients on chemo we are not allowed out of our rooms while we are getting chemo by IV because if our IV pole would tip over and anything leaked out, that part of the hallway would be considered a toxic waste spill site.

Just looking at these pictures and thinking about all of this is almost enough to make me sick.  Let's just look at a different kind of picture to switch gears a little bit. There, that feels so much better! I found this little johnny-jump-up out in the vegetable garden yesterday.

When we received my diagnosis and the doctor immediately outlined the plan for my treatment and told us that we would start right away we were so thankful that something could be done right away.  We didn't know anything about cancer treatments, or cancer for that matter, so we trusted the expertise of the doctors.  At the time I (we) didn't even consider questioning the chemo and radiation approach to treatment. 

However, now that I have experienced three rounds of chemo and have seen how fragile and ill some patients get from these treatments, and then read and hear testimonies from other cancer patients who have approached their treatments in a more naturopathic way, I start to wonder what else we could be doing or how we could be combining approaches  Many patients I met in the hospital were supplementing their treatments with special diets (especially green juices) and other treatments from naturopaths. 

So I start to wonder what I could be doing to detoxify my system and to strengthen my immune system in between my rounds of chemo.  The problem is that to learn or try out new things right now takes so much energy for me, and so it kind of prevents me from exploring or trying options. 

One thing I have started this week is eating ground flax seed with cottage cheese every morning.  The ground flax seed idea came from an Ethiopian friend who gave it to me and said this is a "cure-all" back home in her country.  The idea of mixing it with cottage cheese came from the Internet. 

The next thing I want to get into in the next few days is the green smoothies.  The dandelion leaves for the smoothies are already thriving in our lawn :)

Even though my mind is busy with these questions and doubts about the mainstream western approach to cancer treatment lately, I'm thankful for the medical care and treatments that are so readily available to us and thank God for the medical expertise of the doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and everyone else involved in my care. I'm also thankful that I have hardly any negative side effects from the chemo and that I feel so very much better than I did before starting the treatments.   I guess now it's a matter of finding a good balance between a variety of approaches to cancer treatment.

Action on Our Quiet Street

 Yesterday, in only one hour, this house - two over from ours - was taken down. 

 I know this house very well because I used to check in on it every day from October - April for many years, while our neighbours were down in Florida.  It was kind of sad to see it all come down.

This afternoon this truck (below) with the huge container backed out of the driveway.  It's weight sank through the driveway and sidewalk, resulting in the whole container shifting and tilting to one side.  It looked rather dangerous and scary!

We watched them tip it back up again, using the scoop of the bulldozer.  It all ended safely and well.  Very exciting!

I imagine we're going to be seeing lots of construction vehicles and other cars parked in front of our house for the next few months.  They're going to build a 2-storey 4400 sq. ft. house there, facing our street.  What a change from the little one that was there! We've seen a lot of original homes in our neighbourhood being replaced by these monster in-fill houses over the last ten or so years.

Second filo flower of the season with two more buds getting ready to open.

Gerard has joined the club of "sickies" in our house.  Yesterday he put out his back - (pulled a muscle).  It just happened.  He wasn't doing anything unusual.  Anyway, he is moving around very gingerly these days.  It's a little painful to watch, but he's managing and it seems to be loosening up. 

In comparison, I had a great day.  Even put in some swiss chard and lettuce seeds out in a patch of the vegetable garden!  I keep thinking I have more energy than I actually do, and so everytime I start in on something I run out of energy sooner than I expect, but hey, at least I have the motivation to get going and enough energy to do a little bit.  Gerard keeps saying that I'm doing so very very much better than after the last round of chemo.  Thank you, Lord!

Miracles of Spring!

It's the time of year for...

fiddleheads - ( ferns unfurling),

violets in the lawn,

trilliums in full bud,

and daffodils.

and I saw all these miracles of spring in our back yard today!

I noticed today that all of the bloggers I regularly follow took a break over the weekend, and were back today.  So now I don't feel so bad for not posting for a while and not being back until today.

On Saturday I unexpectedly got the word that I could go home right after the spinal infusion, so this turned out to be the shortest hospital stay so far - 4 days, compared to 5 days the first chemo round and 7 days the second round.  I've been lying down a lot for the last two days and am feeling really well.  I don't have all that much physical energy, but woke up this morning with more inner strength than I've felt for quite a while and that feels really good! 

Yesterday morning (Easter Sunday) I felt strong physically and decided that instead of lying around being sick I should get up and do what I can do when I can do it, rather than wasting precious time lying around.  And so I convinced Gerard that I could handle going to church.  The only thing is that I forgot that it hadn't even been 24 hours since my spinal infusion on Saturday afternoon.  Part way into the service I suddenly felt really awful!! and just had to get out!  On the way out I almost fainted and after recovering, Gerard took me home.  For the time that I was in church, I was just coping and wasn't even able to absorb or appreciate what was going on there.  I should have stayed at home in bed where the speakers were all set up for me to listen to the service by phone.  O well, live and learn (to heed my husband's wise advice). 

Anyway, I've been trying to pace myself by getting enough rest and lying down so that the spinal punctures have time to heal. 

We had hoped to have our family Easter dinner today, but Rosemary came down with a cold/flu bug and so we had to be flexible and allow our plans to change.  It's hard to know what to do about allowing myself to be exposed to the possibility of catching germs at church or with sick people coming by, or whatever. One thing we are learning these last months is that we can make plans, but always need to be ready to adapt to something new.  And my father's been trying to teach us that for years!  We think we can make plans, but it's always "the Lord willing" (DV).

Good Friday Update

Hi there! I've been thinking about posting an update, but that's as far I got. Not a lot of energy or inspiration to write anything at the moment.

But I should tell you that everything has gone well so far in this round of treatment. None of the complications and drama of the last round, so that is a huge relief. I'll probably be getting another spinal infusion tomorrow morning (Sat) and may then go home as soon as the methatrexate (sp.?) chemo level is down to the magic number.

After my first day here I got moved to the window bed. It's always nice to know whether it is day or night time, and I enjoy seeing the treetops and clouds, and at night the headlights of the traffic on Bayview.

So far I have been able to listen in by phone to a number of church services at our church - a funeral on Thursday, Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday. I'm glad to be able to participate in this way in the memorials and celebrations of this time of year.

Starting yesterday around dinner time some of the immediate effects of this round of chemo started kicking in - no appetite, very mild head ache, and fatigue. Today has been a very low-key and quiet day. I've been napping on and off all day, with a little walk up and down the hall once in a while.

Without repeating everything that spoke to me in the services I heard, especially the Good Friday service, I was reminded of the following passage that has often encouraged Me over the years and again pulled me through a couple of hour before bedtime last night:

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear,for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Quick Update before Chemo

Thought I'd squeeze in a quick update before they come to give me the first spinal infusion of this round and then start up the intravenous chemo for the rest of the day. Right one I'm just waiting around. I've been walking around the halls to get some exercise before lying around for the next few days. Oh, they just gave me a sedative in preparation for the spinal.

This past week, especially the past few days, have been a mixture of emotions. Now that I am feeling so well, I'm really not looking forward to living with the side effects of the chemo and spinal infusion again. At the same time, this is the treatment and will hopefully wipe out the cancer, so I am glad that this round is not being delayed and that I have access to this treatment.

Well, I'd better sign off for now because it's getting busy here in preparation for the spinal infusion. Will try write again when I feel up to it.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Gearing up for 3rd Round of Chemo

I woke up this morning feeling well rested and full of energy for a new day and was greeted by these tulips in the living room.  A friend left them between our doors during the snow storm yesterday.  Can't wait to see how they look when they're open.  I've never had tulips with frilly edges like this before.
 

And then I took care of a few things like polishing these silver spoons that kept jumping out at me because they were all brown.

This morning I also went for my third Therapeutic Touch session and came home all nice and relaxed again.

It was high time for these green pepper plants to be transplanted into pots!  I think these roots will appreciate having a little more space.

Here's a view of my living room bay window "garden".  Front left: bean plant, left against window: tomatoes, left end of first tray:  2 x parsley, then 4 x basil, then tray of newly transplanted green pepper plants, and on far right one lonely carrot that grew in with parsley.

And this flower opened just in time for me to see it before I leave for the hospital.  There are three more buds promising more beautiful flowers to come.  This is the first year we have more than one flower on our filo cactus.

Fortunately our son Mark, was able to revive my former blog template and get it all up and running again.

So I'm not sure yet whether I'll have chemo this week or not.  They will have to do blood tests to check my hemoglobin and platelet counts and then we'll see what happens.  Some of you have been asking what the schedule is for this week and whether I'll be home for Easter weekend.  At this point we really don't know.  We're trying hard to "go with the flow" and to leave all these things in God's hands.  I'll do my best to keep you posted.

Saturday Update

Hi there! As you can see I'm still going with the temporary new look for my blog. It seems that anything to do with the computer kind of instantly zaps my energy, so I try to stay away from it as much as possible.

Speaking of energy, I've had four whole headache-free days in a row! So I think we're done with the headaches for the time being. It's been great to be able to pitch in with a little bit of help around the house once in a while. Nothing major, but here and there little things that feel like they make a difference to me. But today I decided to vacuum our bedroom and ended up doing the whole main floor. It was like a major workout for me - stretching, pushing, bending, sweating! It felt great!



Yesterday we saw the oncologist and the radiologist and got lots of questions answered. So they plan to give me two more spinal infusions of chemo during this third round of chemo next week, and two more during the fourth round in May. I can expect to get headaches again, but did receive the advice to stay lying down for at least the first day after each infusion, and that should make the headaches more manageable. For the rest, they still have to figure out who will give the infusions and how they will do the freezing this time, considering the complications the last two times.

As far as radiation goes, if all goes as they hope, that will follow 2 weeks after the very last chemo treatment finishes in July. It will be full brain chemo (as opposed to aiming directly at the tumors - which will hopefully be gone by then) and will require a daily trip to the cancer centre for about 12 to 18 days.


We didn't get any new information about the progress of the treatment. They will be doing a CT scan before the fourth round of chemo in May. So we only know from the MRI that was done unexpectedly a few weeks ago, that "the mass has shrunk considerably" and that there was nothing new or different from before. So we are going on that good news and hope and pray that the chemo will continue to be effective in wiping out the cancer.

At the same time, we were also surprised, in a disappointing way, by the blood test results. When the doctor saw them he was sure that they had been mixed up with someone else's results because some of the counts were so very different from a month ago. So he sent me back to the lab to have the blood work re-done.

However, the results were the same as those from the tests done four hours earlier. We were told that my hemoglobin and platelet counts were down quite a lot from last month. So they will have to look into this on Tuesday and/or Wednesday to try to figure out the reason and then decide whether I can have chemo next week or not. Ideally we should not be delaying any treatments, but if my blood count is too low, they will have to, or consider lowering the dosage. I am receiving a very strong dosage of chemo so maybe that has caused the substantial drop in my blood counts.

Please pray specifically for my body to regenerate these blood cells. I had been cruising along nicely here, thinking everything was going so well. So it was quite a reality check to realize that not everything is going perfectly well. It is also hard to believe that the counts are so low, because my energy has been increasing as the counts went down. The nurse found it hard to believe too. She commented on my colour and my energy level and the reports I had given as to how I was feeling and she said they don't match the blood reports. Oh, well, another thing we have to learn to leave in God's hands.



The tomatoes that I seeded the day after I got home from round two of chemo are really coming along! And as you can see on the window, it's a rainy day today! Looks like these tomato plants could use some of that rain. I'd better go and water them.

Mom's 99th Birthday!

Today is my mother-in-law's 99th birthday! 99 years! Imagine how life has changed in all those years! And imagine what she has all experienced in her life time! We went to see Mom up in Barrie for a few hours yesterday. I always find these visits somewhat bitter-sweet. Even though we're not sure whether Mom realized who exactly we were, it was still good to see her again and to spend a little bit of time with her.

Problems Viewing My Blog

Something happened to my blog and I'm not sure what. Everything was fine when we accessed it from our desktop and laptop computers but from our I-Pad and my sister' computer the background was somehow covering part of the text box and the font colour turned blue. So I've quickly and temporarily changed the template. That way I don't have to spend anymore time on it for now. Good night! I'll have another look at it in the morning. -Ellie

A Little of This and That

1. This morning Gerard went to get our snow tires replaced with new summer tires. At the same time he had his mechanic check out a few other things. One was the a barn-like smell whenever we start up the car and put on the defrost or air vent. Well, today our mechanic found a stash of mouse nesting materials in behind the glove compartment near the cabin air exchange system. I think he suspected something like that because when Gerard mentioned our problem to him, he asked whether we had mice in our garage. I guess we do, or did, and also in our engine! The car smelled nice and clean and fresh today!

2. We are getting help with transitioning into our upcoming new role as grand parents. Yesterday friends gave us a little gift accompanied by the following note: "All grandparents should have at least one of these!"

3. With this rain and warm weather everything in the garden is just popping out of the ground! These leaves on the rhubarb unfurled in one day!

4. In the last few days three friends dropped by because they were in the area for medical appointments. Obviously I'm not the only one with medical issues. Thank God for the convenient access to medical care in Toronto!

5. I've been enjoying many "good" days this week, meaning that, except for Monday, I've had no headaches and on most days I also have some energy to do some odds and ends around the house and to tackle some limited paper work and time at the computer. Yesterday I sorted through papers and books on my desk, dusted, cleaned sinks and tidied up a bit here and there. Today I did dishes for the first time and we dropped by the mission office to pick up some drug benefit plan cards that had been mailed there. It was great to see people there and to hear about their big "Ignite" event that happened last night. I've also enjoyed a number of phone calls and visits and time outside checking out the garden.

6. This Friday we have appointments with our oncologist and, for the first time, the radiologist. We are working on a list of questions so that we're prepared and don't forget them once we get there.

Hopefully we'll find out when and how often I'll be getting the spinal infusions of chemo - and whether the two weeks of headaches that followed the last ones are normal or whether the frequency or dosage can be changed to alleviate some of the headaches. We're also wondering whether the radiation will follow right after the chemo is done or will start later, and what to expect.

Another big question is how is - how are the tumors doing? We seem to remember that they were planning for a CT scan around this time, but since they already did an unplanned MRI a few weeks ago (which showed that the mass had shrunk "considerably" and there was nothing new) maybe they will use that as their progress report instead.

7. Today it is exactly 11 years ago since my sister, Tina, died of cancer. I wish she were still here so we could share our experiences with cancer with each other, but especially also so that she would be here for her husband and children. Thank you, Lord, that she is with You, but we sure would have loved to have her here with us a little longer!

8. There is a good chance that I will be in the hospital for most of the Easter weekend, which means I will be missing lots of special church services (Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday). Well, on Sunday I found out that I can be hooked up to the services and listen in by phone from anywhere - even the hospital! All I have to do is let the coordinator of this service at our church know my phone number (home or hospital) and he will phone me at the beginning of the service, hook me up, and I can listen in on everything! There is one other member of our congregation who is also listening in this way. Apparently, if her dog barks I will be able to hear it, and if my IV pole starts beeping she will be able to hear it, so I will have to hide the telephone receiver under my pillow or something, if/when my IV alarm starts up. Can't wait to see how this will all work next weekend! And am so thankful that I will still be able to experience the services in this way! Thank you, Lord, for technology! (sometimes)

Gardening Indoors and Out

Today it felt almost like summer - 22 degrees!

Gerard dug up part of our vegetable garden



and I took cuttings from the impatient plants that I've kept over the winter. When these cuttings root, I'll have more to put out into the flower beds.

Anytime and Anywhere

Another great day with energy and hardly any headache! It was wonderful to go to church this morning. The whole message spoke right to what I have been thinking about and experiencing lately. It was about Jesus raising Lazarus from death.

One line in the Scripture reading jumped up from the page at me. Mary and Martha had just sent word to Jesus that their brother, Lazarus, was sick. "When Jesus heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." (John 11:4) This is what I've been hoping and praying for since my diagnosis. "If I have to have cancer, then please use it for something good." And a few weeks ago when things seemed difficult and complicated and when everything seemed to be growing too big for me to handle, I just finally said to God, " This is too much and too big for me to handle. I'm giving it to You to manage and just use me wherever and however you need me."

Well, that was easier said than done. I've been struggling ever since with questions and feelings of depression and feeling sorry for myself and feeling like my body is, or is going to fall apart.

And then I get to church and we sing this song written by a young Japanese girl who died of cancer when she was seven years old. It really touched me! and put me to shame, and spoke to me all at the same time. Here are the words:

Anytime and Anywhere

Anytime and anywhere know that Jesus’ love is there
When in grief and loss, when in pain,
God will strengthen and sustain.
Put your hope in God;
trust his holy Word Every time and everywhere.

Anytime and anywhere know that Jesus’ love is there.
Don’t despair, for God is kind.
Look for joy and you will find.
Put away your fear; God is very near
Every time and everywhere.

Notes by Emily Brink from Reformed Worship online:

This simple hymn text was written by a young Japanese girl who died of cancer at age seven. Junko Takahashi died young, and her faith grew stronger even as she suffered in the hospital. What a testimony this young child has given to a nation where less than 2 percent of the population is Christian!

When hard times come, lines of familiar hymns often leap out at us, catch us unaware, and stick in our throats. At times we cannot sing, we cannot pray. It is then that we need the fellowship of believers more than ever. We need the comfort of knowing that others are singing and praying on our behalf, bringing before God the prayers and songs we cannot sing. Other times we’re amazed at how suffering people are able to sing and find strength in their songs.

A GREAT Day!

How is it possible to feel so different from one day to another?! Last night I told Gerard, amidst tears, that I wish I could have some steroids. When I was on steroids I felt so energetic and happy about life and everything seemed beautiful and exciting. It felt like one big party to me with all the visits and phone calls. However, coming off the steroids felt good too because they made me jittery and hyper and I couldn't focus to read.

Getting back to a more realistic and normal level of energy and a more comfortable pace of life and level of visits and phone calls felt much better and was probably better for Gerard and the others in the house here too.

But this week has been a difficult week for me. I was trying to follow the advice to lie down and stay still to help reduce the head aches. But that meant I wasn't getting outside or getting any exercise. Compared to before there were hardly any phone calls or visits. It was sooo quiet in the house! Gerard suggested I call some people and talk on the phone or invite them over, but I didn't want to call someone and then just burst into tears and tell them all my woes. So it was all making me feel depressed.

At the same time my hair was/is slowly and steadily falling out and my skin was flaking off like snow from my legs and my head hurt. And how could I possibly go back for chemo four more times, to go through all this headache and fatigue stuff every month again, and then radiation? What will be left of me by then?

It was just a vicious cycle. I was telling myself that I should take a more positive approach - the power of positive thinking is better for healing than being depressed. But how do you just switch your thinking? I was accusing myself of not praying or reading my Bible more. Why was my relationship with God and my faith not making this any easier or more joyful? (So now even though you didn't ask for it, you're getting my whole list of woes anyway.)

In my head I thought I knew all the solutions and the right things to do and told myself to stop crying, stop focussing on the negative, switch my thinking, look to God, but it didn't work. And then...

This morning Gerard went grocery shopping as he does every Saturday, and came home at 8:45 with an iced cappuccino for me from Tim Hortons! Now you need to know that ice caps do the same for me as steroids do - they make me hyper and feel happy. What a brilliant and sweet idea!

So today was a wonderful day! I had less headaches and more energy than I've had in a long time. I felt happy and relatively energetic. Early this morning I helped change the linens on our bed and tidied up a few things around the house. I actually cleaned the bathtub and the bathroom sink!

And after I rested for a while, Henry took Ken and me out to check out the progress on the renovations at their house. Ken and I were both as excited as little kids, just at the prospect of getting out of the house and doing something special. It was the first time I had seen their house since the renovations started so that was very exciting.

The demolition is all done and now things are getting put back together. Below you can see that the tub is in already.



I spent some time today resting inside and siting and walking outside enjoying the garden and seeing how much everything has grown in a few days. After dinner we went for a walk up the street to check out some artificial lawn that Melanie had seen at a house over towards Yonge street. Looks kind of strange to see a very green lawn at this time of year when all the others are still brown.



And when we were just home, the doorbell rang and there was my niece! I had been invited to attend a wedding shower for her in Hamilton this afternoon, and had been trying to build up to being able to go, all week, by trying to stay up longer each day, and controlling headaches with pain pills. but yesterday I finally had to be realistic and acknowledge that I would not be able to manage the one-hour trip each way and then being in a busy crowd of people for a few hours. Very disappointing!

Anyway, this evening Jessica showed up at our house to show and tell me about the shower, since I couldn't be there. She brought the traditional ribbon hat and pictures of the shower to show us. What a great idea! And what a sweetie to take the time to come and share the event with me! I almost feel like I kind of attended too and we had a chance to give her our gift too.

And then just after Jessica left, Alida called from Australia! So good to hear her voice and catch up with her!

So, today I had a GREAT day!!!!! all because of an iced cappuccino? - because of a dear husband who cared enough to think of this and get it for me? - because of lots of people praying for me? - because God gave Gerard this inspiration and he followed up on the nudge and got me an ice cap? Whatever! Thank you once again, Lord! And thank you, Gerard!

Random Updates

Some updates in no particular order... 1. The tomato seeds have sprouted! When I lifted the lid today, I was surprised by 7 seedlings!

2. Henry and Melanie's home renovations are coming along on schedule. The demolition stage is over and the house is now being put back together. In the next few days the electrician and plumber are coming and the drywall and bathtub are going to be installed. They are very excited!

3. Alida has booked a ticket for May 22nd for her flight to move back to Canada from Sydney, Australia. Yay!

4. Since I've mentioned the other three, the last I heard from Mark and Rosemary is that everything is fine with them too.

5. For the last three days I've had some good long stretches with no headaches, which is a real blessing!

6. Until today I was managing the headaches by keeping still and lying down, which also meant not going for walks and so staying inside. I was getting depressed. Last night and this morning all I could do was cry. So now I am still taking it easy but am trying to manage the headaches with Ibuprofin, which makes me sleepy so I'm still getting lots of rest too, but at the same time I'm able to get up and enjoy doing some things. I had a good day today!

7. A friend stopped by for a visit. It was great to talk about all kinds of things and to reach outside of my self-centered little world, which was making me feel depressed these last few days. Thanks for the visit!

8. Today I was outside for a while and did a walk-about of our garden. Being in the garden always makes me feel happy. The rhubarb is coming up!

and chives!

and there are scillas in bloom

and lots of crocuses!

and some of last year's salad greens (and reds) are coming back up

Felt Almost "Normal" Today

Today I felt better than I've felt since the second round of chemo - which feels like in a long time!

After an evening of no headaches last night it was initially very disappointing to get up to a very severe headache. Gerard suggested I try taking an Advil, which worked and gave me a whole morning without pain and led to a 2-hour nap this afternoon.

This morning I actually did some desk work which felt great! I felt like I had some inner strength instead of feeling like a rag doll. It felt slooo good!

I was in and out of bed and on and off the couch the rest of the day, but that was OK, since I already had a good spell for part of the day, which inspires hope that there will be more good days to look forward to. Goodnight!

A Headache-free Evening!

Today, the day of my therapeutic touch appointment, started out with my head hurting whenever I got up. I wondered whether it was a good idea to go or whether to cancel. Against my better judgement I went. By the time we got to Wellspring, walking into the building did not feel as wonderful as it usually does because I was feeling so awful.

Any way, I went in for my appointment and by the end of the 20-mintute session my whole body felt so wonderfully relaxed! I hadn't realized how much I'd been bracing myself against the pain. So the relaxation felt amazing, but the headache was still there. How disappointing! However, the therapist said that the effects of the therapy could continue for the next 24 hours so to monitor myself until the same time tomorrow.

Once home, I ended up back on the couch and enjoyed the feeling of being totally relaxed for a few hours. Amazing! When I got up my head hurt again so I headed for bed. Next thing you know, my throat felt sore, I was running a low-grade fever, and envisioning us spending the whole evening in the emergency room. I was probably coming down with pneumonia or bronchitis. How was I ever going to survive this plus another four rounds of chemo?! I was into a full-blown pitty party. I tried praying but God didn't seem to be there. Pitty, pitty, pitty.

And then it was dinner time. As I got up from the bed it didn''t feel so bad. And it felt alright all through dinner. And when Gerard and I were sitting around talking after dinner I realized that there was no pain at all! I could move my eyes from side to side and nothing hurt! And I moved my head a little and still no pain! Wow! This feels amazing! Whenever I moved this evening I noticed I was bracing myself for the pain and there was no pain. A wonderful pain-free evening! I've been thinking of people who experience chronic pain or who regularly have migraines. My life sure has been a "walk in the park" until now! This cancer journey is allowing me to experience life on a whole different level of awareness, somehow. Thank you, Lord! And thank You for the volunteers who drove me to the appointment today! I still have a low fever of 37.3, which concerns me. Please pray for there to be no complications.

Getting Lots of Rest

Hi there! Thought I'd better post a little update to let you know how things are going here.

On Saturday I started following the advice received on Friday; that it's best to lie down and stay still in order to heal up the spinal punctures to get rid of the headaches. So I was lying down for most of the day and was starting to feel much better by dinner time. I mentioned to Gerard that I was getting bored and he figured that might be good sign - me feeling bored might mean that I have too much energy to just be lying around, which I used be quite content with earlier this week.

This morning (Sunday), for the first time since the steroid pill days, I woke up with a bubbly feeling of anticipation for the upcoming day. Unfortunately that only lasted until I got up and felt the headache again, landing me back in bed or on the couch for the rest of the day and also away from the computer and my I-Pad. When I'm lying down I usually don't feel any pain, so that's a relief and at the same time it's forcing me to get lots of rest.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to my second therapeutic touch appointment at Wellspring - the cancert support centre at Sunnybrook - and am hoping that will help bring some relief from the headaches. Volunteers from our church are giving me rides both ways which is a wonderful blessing. That way Gerard can keep his commitment to volunteering at The Lighthouse food bank.

Look at our "strawberry plant". It has experienced a burst of growth in the last few weeks.

A close-up of its flowers.

Here is a picture of our filo cactus. This bud is going to grow into a most beautiful flower in a few days. Stay posted!

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