A Little Celebration of Life

 

"Well, Ernie, it's time for spring cleaning again,"
said Bert one April morning. 

"Let's finish our oatmeal and Crispy Critters and get started." 
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look what I found while spring cleaning the book shelves!

If any of you have been spring cleaning along with me, then we're way ahead of Bert and Ernie's April start.  It's a good thing I began in January because it's almost March already!  That's when it starts getting warm  enough to go out to prune the trees and bushes and to clean up the flower beds so that we can find and appreciate the early crocuses, tulips, and daffodils.  Can't wait!

I've lost the house cleaning momentum I had a few weeks ago, with so many interesting activities to distract me lately, but am trying to hang in there for as long as I can.  Once it's gardening weather I'm not going to feel very motivated to work inside anymore, but there's still more to do. The TV room got done last week.  Next goal: our two spare bedrooms.

looks like the amaryllis is starting all over again!

Today was a day of mixed emotions.  I spent the morning at the hospital back into the old hospital gowns, hooked up to IV, oxygen, and a blood pressure cuff.  All that for a colonoscopy!  Kind of brought back memories and emotions connected with my hospital stays for chemo treatments at this time last year.  My family doctor is keeping a close eye on me because of my family's track record with cancer;  sister died of lung cancer, brother survived colon cancer, and now I survived brain cancer (or CNS lymphoma)! By the way, the doctor already told me she didn't find anything today, so more good news once again.

I couldn't help overhearing the woman beside me telling the nurse how happy she was about her hair growing back in after her chemo treatments for breast cancer.  As we got to talking we became more and more excited about the fact that we both survived cancer, both have new curly grey hair, both are amazed at the medical services available to us and both are so thankful to be alive that we have a new appreciation for things we took for granted before.  There's an instant bond between people who have experienced cancer, I've noticed.  It was an unexpected little celebration of life!     

Looks Like Curly Hair!

Today I'm fasting in preparation for a colonoscopy tomorrow and never realized how much my daily routine revolves around food preparation and eating. No green smoothie to prepare, no oatmeal to cook, no fruit and almonds to snack on all day long, no need for lunch or dinner. Wow! I'm really feeling disoriented this morning! Can't even decide what to focus on in this blog post, so here are some random updates on this clear, bright sunshiny Monday morning.

1. First of all a cheery "Hello" from this cute snowman.  Isn't he fun?  He welcomed me on Stephie's front porch  when we picked her up for church yesterday.

2.  I enjoyed my first senior's discount on Friday - 50% off my swimming pass!  Wow! I guess I didn't get out often enough in the past year to need to renew my pass, so this was the first discount since turning 60.  Now I hear there are seniors discounts at Zeller's and Value Village on Tuesdays.  I'll have to start checking this out!  One of the perks of getting a little older.

3.  Going out for Ethiopian dinner with our small group on Saturday evening was an interesting experience!  We ordered a few of these sampler plates for our whole group.  This way we could try out lots of different foods rather than having to choose one item from a whole menu of unfamiliar foods.

The most interesting part of the evening for me was the coffee ceremony.  First the waitress walked around the whole restaurant with a dish of roasted coffee beans, spreading the coffee aroma around the room.  Then she lit some incense on our table, gave us popped popcorn and served our coffee in tiny little bowls.  Fun!  I love new experiences.

4.  Our son Mark did a little searching on the internet re. pennies in the water of cut tulips (see Feb.9 post) and wrote:  "Apparently the copper in the penny works as a fungicide - killing the things that cloud and dirty the water in the vase. Clean water - stronger flowers. One thing to keep in mind though, is that modern pennies have almost no copper. You need an old penny for it to work. Pre 1960's."  Interesting!  Who knew?

5.  On Shrove Tuesday, aka Pancake Tuesday, I prepared wholewheat buttermilk blueberry pancakes.  Unfortunately, what I had hoped would be a special treat,  turned into a mushy crumbly purple disaster - they tasted OK, but definitely lacked eye appeal!  On a positive note though, a few months ago a disappointment like this would have had me in an emotional meltdown, but now I was able to take it all in stride.  I think my emotions and nervous system are gradually healing up and getting stronger.

6.  It's so exciting to have hair again!  And it looks like it's coming in curly, or at least wavy.  What an easy hairstyle!  After wetting or washing it I just rub it dry with a towel and let it be. These pictures make my hair look longer than it really is.  It's actually about 1 inch (2.5 cm) long all over.

7.  And lastly, another cheerful "Hello" from these smiling daisies.  This was a pleasant surprise that arrived in the mail the other day, with a thoughtful message inside acknowledging that my treatments had gone well and promising continued prayers for complete healing.  Thank you, so much!  

And thank you, Lord, for this healing and for the love and support I continue to receive from people!  Life is good these days!

Girls' Afternoon Out

Yesterday we had a girls' afternoon out with my friend, her visiting friend from New Jersey, and me. We were going to start with lunch at their place so I had to figure out a way to carry hot-out-of-the-breadmaker bread and soup and salad on the subway.  For the soup I settled on these canning jars, which brought back memories of the pantry shelves back home. My mom used to have shelves lined with jars full of yellow peaches, red beets, brown apple sauce, green beans, etc. My pantry shelves are lined with empty jars, but I'm thinking I should start filling them again because it would look so amazing!

Then off to Allan Gardens.  I found some new and interesting plants to share with you. Here's one that I'd never seen before.

And another first for me.  Isn't this amazing?  It looks like small leaves painted onto a larger one.

And I've seen flowers like this one below, but never with this combination of colours.

And a little preview of spring...

Another one that's new for me.  We saw its name, but I've forgotten what it was.

And on our way out, I saw this positive graffiti message.  Kind of heartwarming to see a message like this on the washroom walls for a change.  (Yes, I do carry my camera with me almost everywhere.  Aren't you glad? or you wouldn't have seen this!)
 

And the parrot flower, maybe a little more familiar to us, yet fascinating just the same.

My friend also gave us a a little demonstration of her new beading hobby - beautiful work!  We dropped her daughter off at the airport, had a tour of her school, listened to the Psalms Project CD in the car, and had a great time just being together.  Crashed on the couch for half an hour afterwards, but it was totally worth it! A wonderful afternoon out!

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God...

This song has been echoing around in my brain and I've been singing it ever since our Ash Wednesday service a few days ago.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence, O Lord,

And take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me

The joy of your salvation.

And renew a right spirit within me.

(by Keith Green, based on Psalm 51)

At Henry  and Melanie's on Thursday ...

first snowdrops I've seen this season

he loves his thumb and I love the way he curls his finger around his little nose!

Next Goal: The TV Room

Even though I haven't mentioned much about it lately, the spring cleaning is still slowly moving in the right direction. Last week both bathrooms got done and this week the goal is the TV room. Telling you about my goals gives me added incentive to do the work so that I can actually tell you, "It's done!"  Accountability is good!

Gerard is still sorting and shredding in the office and this week I'm in the TV room. This room is furnished with odds and ends from the 70's. It's our brown and orange room. Years ago we temporarily hung up these floral curtains to cut the reflection of the outside light on the TV screen. I don't know how things go in your house, but in ours these "temporary" arrangements often turn out to be permanent. After a while you don't notice that a floral chair and floral curtains are just too much floral in one place. 

TV room curtains - before (ouch!)

I generally don't spend much time in the TV room, but now I'm in there every morning exercising with the DVD's from the library.  And every morning I'm bothered by that floral corner.  Last February before Henry, Melanie, and Ken moved in, we bought replacement curtains that needed to be adjusted to fit this window, but for some reason that didn't happen.
 

Not until this weekend when my nieces were here.  They both know how to sew, and gave me a hand with this project.  Actually they did it all!

It felt so much more peaceful in my exercise room this morning!  Thank you, Anna and Karen!

TV room curtains - after

Now on to dust, sort and purge the contents of the bookcases. Yes, even though we have a TV room, we also have lots of books.  

Family Weekend

We just experienced a wonderfully relaxing weekend of family time. My two nieces both decided to begin their university reading week with a few days at our place. They are almost like daughters to me and so we value time together. They arrived on Friday evening and we just relaxed and hung out, enjoying each other's company.

making a jigsaw puzzle at the dining room table

and reading and relaxing by the fire

making cards and drinking coffee and green smoothies

watching the "Babies" video

and sewing (more about that next post)

On Sunday we attended church here and then headed to Hamilton with a schedule of how to get who where and by what time, so that we could ride together and yet each visit our own friends in different locations for a few hours.

And then after two days of all that great family time, Monday was officially "Family Day".  For those of you not from Ontario, five years ago the provincial government of Ontario decided to declare a new statutory holiday for the second Monday of February, to break up the long stretch of work days between New Years Day and Good Friday.  So now we have "Family Day"!

Henry took the initiative and got us all organized to get together with food at our house on Monday afternoon.  My brother-in-law and nephew joined us, since they were coming to pick up the girls anyway.  And once again, it was a good time of fellowship, food and family, with Oscar rolling around on a blanket and bouncing around in his Jolly Jumper.

all bundled up for the subway ride home

What a wonderful weekend!  Thank you, Lord, for family and the chance to spend time together!

Eleven Days Later...

Eleven days later the tulip stems were still standing upright and not a single petal had dropped! Looks like putting a penny in the water worked (see Feb.9 post). I wonder how?

I don't think I've ever had cut tulips stay up straight for more than one or two days, and then the petals usually start dropping.  I was doing a little experiment to see how long these tulips would stay up straight, but finally gave up and threw them out yesterday because they were looking pretty sad, and it didn't look like the tulips weren't going to be the first to give in, so I finally did:(

Babies ...

Have you ever had the experience of learning a new word and then having it pop up everywhere, even though you hadn't noticed it before?

Well, that's been my experience with babies ever since little Oscar was born.  I didn't notice babies very often and wasn't really all that interested in them, except for our own, but now I'm noticing babies everywhere and find them so lovable and fascinating.  I could watch Oscar for hours on end; just enjoying his little expressions and sounds.  And I'm absolutely amazed at how quickly he is growing up and learning new things!

Every Thursday when we watch Oscar I see him doing new things.  This week we saw him roll over for the first time.  He's been doing it for a while, but we hadn't seen it before.  When I put him on his back he kicked his legs, arched his back, and rolled over onto his stomach.  I turned him onto his back again to see what he would do, and over he went again.  How do these little ones figure this out so quickly?  And yesterday we saw him in his Jolly Jumper for the first time. He's getting the hang of it, bouncing and swinging around. I think he surprises himself when his feet hit the ground and then he bounces up. It's so cute to watch!

At our last two visits we noticed that he had learned to cry.  And he cried a lot, especially when he was tired, but couldn't or didn't want to go to sleep at nap times. He seemed unhappy and not his usual easy-going self. Some of Melanie's friends recommended a book called, "The Sleep Easy Solution" by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack. And they all experienced amazing results in one week by following this method of teaching their baby to fall asleep on their own.

It basically recommends doing what my mother did when she raised us; establish a predictable bedtime routine, be consistent, love and encourage your baby, and let your baby learn to put himself to sleep (in other words, no extra stories, drinks, getting out of bed, and other gimmicks, and sometimes you need to let them cry themselves to sleep).  And sure enough - after starting on this method they were noticing a change after two days! and by five to seven days he was falling asleep for his naps all by himself with hardly any fussing at all!  So much easier than a few weeks ago!  He's getting back to his happy easy-going (well-rested, probably) self.

I borrowed and am reading this book from the library so I could understand what Henry and Melanie were doing and so I could be "on the same page" with them in caring for Oscar.   I admire Henry and Melanie for toughing it out through a difficult week. It was hard to hear their little guy crying so much and seeing him so unhappy and sometimes angry, but they hung in there and are now already reaping the benefits.  And I also feel somewhat affirmed in my good old fashioned way of doing things the way my mother taught me.

Another baby-related item that popped out at me from between the yoga and pilates DVD's at the library last week was this DVD "Babies".  I'd heard great reviews of this documentary, so borrowed it and have watched it a few times already.  A photographer followed four babies from around the globe; from Namibia, Mongolia, Tokyo and San Francisco, to prove "that if you surround your baby with love, it doesn't matter what culture you're from or what child-rearing practices you follow".  

It's an amazing documentary! No words, no plot, just lots of video clips of babies in entirely different environments and at various stages of their early development... very beautiful and heart-warming!

Some Random Updates

There's lots going on these days. I have to keep pacing myself because I still have limited energy, but usually some down time here and there makes it all manageable.  It's wonderful!  Just a few random updates: 

1. I'm reading a novel for the first time in about a year!  For many months I couldn't manage novels and when I was sick I was lent many good books that weren't novels.   This one is a real page turner -I'm having a hard time putting it down. That's why you haven't seen a new post here for a few days. It's a "tell-all book about what it's really like to work as a black maid in the white homes of the South" in the 1960's. Great book! Highly recommend it!

2.  A "For Sale" sign went up (again, don't know what happened the first time) at the new house on the corner two lots over from ours.  Guess how much it's listed for?  $1,649,000.00!!  Yes, you read that right!  Over one and a half million dollars! Our former neighbours on both sides originally bought their brand new 3-bedroom bungalows on this street in the 1950's for $9,000. and $11,000. each!  This house (4,000 sq. ft.) is much larger, but still, mostly it's the property values that have sky-rocketed.  Crazy!

3.  I've started playing piano again lately.  Except for playing for small informal worship services at a local nursing home about twice a year, I haven't played for years!  This is good hand-eye coordination exercise for my brain.  And a great way for me to do devotions - playing and singing the Scripture passages.

4. Had my eyes checked by two opthamologists last week.  After conferring with each other they told us that I still don't need cataract surgery yet, my vision is stable, and they are seeing some residue from the lymphoma in my right eye - nothing new - "so let's see if we can clear that up with some eye drops". Hearing "some residue from the lymphoma" kind of shook me up, but the doctors didn't seem to be concerned about it at all, so I guess it's nothing to worry about.  The eye drops are making me feel a little "off", and the whole experience is making me feel a bit vulnerable (whenever I feel anything unusual in my head I wonder if the tumors are coming back), but they said everything is fine.
  

holly berries I saw on a walk last week

5.  I've started lane swimming again.  Until now, every time I tried, the skin around my ears where the radiation was done would get really itchy after swimming.  This week for the first time it didn't, so I think I can go back to swimming twice a week again.

6.  We visited Rosemary's (DIL) father in the nursing home today.  His health is failing and he's now on palliative care.  It was a sobering visit.  We are sorry to see him in this condition, and thankful to hear that Mark and Rosemary feel good about this nursing home, the staff, and the excellent care he is receiving there.  On our way home we stopped for a relaxing lunch in a quiet little tea room in Port Hope, and then took a scenic route through the country and along the lake back towards the big city.  It kind of felt like a mini vacation. 

7. My spring cleaning goal this week is the two bathrooms. 

8. Upcoming events:  visit with little Oscar, small group, planning for a deck out back and some other repair jobs outside (yes, last year's "steroid plans" are starting to become reality! - I'll keep you posted), and my nieces - Anna & Karen, - are visiting for the weekend!

You Never Know What You Might See!

I always carry my camera with me wherever I go, because you never know what kind of interesting things you might see.  This morning we were welcomed into the No Frills grocery store with this colourful floral display in the entrance way. Quite a contrast to the snow and blustery cold outside!

And then there's all the construction going on in our neighbourhood.  Almost every time a small house is sold, it gets demolished and a huge new house is build in its place.  Since late spring we've been watching the progress on a house two lots over from ours.  It took months and months to build that one.  Now there's another one coming up diagonally across the street from ours.  Beam by beam it's being built by hand.  It's going a lot faster than the first one, but still, it's a lot of time consuming work.

And then in a matter of days this house came together.  It was delivered one module at a time on flatbed trucks.  Each section, already complete with doors and windows, was hoisted into place by crane.  And ta-da!  There's a whole new house!  Of course it took some time to prepare the foundation, and now they'll be putting the finishing touches to the inside, but it's all going up a lot faster than the homes built on site here on our street.

This is the first time I've ever seen anything like this in our neighbourhood. Fascinating!

primulas at No Frills this morning

Spring Cleaning Update

I'm feeling quite productive these days!

Yesterday and today's posts are my practice sessions on our new computer; getting used to the new arrangements on the screen and working with the new upgraded software.  The fact that this is all working as well as it is, feels like a great blessing!  We postponed upgrading our computer last year because, considering the shape I was in at the time, there was no way I could have adjusted to changes on the computer then, while still keeping up my pictures and my blog.

It's amazing to me how normal everyday things now feel like such big blessings, because there was a time when I either had trouble doing them, couldn't do them at all, or had the fear that some of the treatments might affect my functioning permanently.  So far I haven't noticed any serious permanent impairments.  What a miraculous healing!

love this colourful view at a local grocery store!

This week has been full of activities, mostly away from home; babysitting Oscar by myself, renewing our passports, attending my Bible reading group, going to a few eye doctor appointments, and our weekly visit with Oscar and Melanie. Some out-of-town friends came to visit us, we've been walking a lot and I joined Gerard in his early morning lane swimming on Tuesday.  Phew - a full week! Time for a slightly lower-key weekend! 

snowplows along the Allen Expressway - still waiting for snow - maybe tonight!

So not much spring cleaning got done this week, but that's OK. I like what Shelly said in her "Living With Imperfection" blog (one of my goals is to learn how to insert links into my blog) recently about her new year resolutions, "The great thing about goals: you may not attain them, but they do keep you headed in the right direction." And that's how I feel about my spring cleaning goals. They give me a focus for the week, but I'm not going to let spring cleaning stop me from doing more interesting things.  

two visits with our little grandson this week!

My cleaning goal last week was to work on the kitchen whenever I needed a break from sorting things in the office.  Well, I took so many breaks that the kitchen got all cleaned last week except for the oven.  That has got to be one of the worst house cleaning chores!  Today I wanted to be able to tell you that the kitchen was all done, so I finally cleaned the oven this morning. So the kitchen's all done!

late afternoon walk - setting sun hitting highrises on Yonge Street

In the office I've been following Gerard's advice of tackling one shelf per day. So I got four shelves done in four days last week, and on the fifth day we went to visit my parents. This week has been busy with other more interesting things every day, so that's my excuse for not getting any further on the office so far. But as I said, these goals do help to keep me heading in the right direction. My accomplishments so far:  living/dining room - done! front hall - done! kitchen - done! office - partly done:)

Still heading in the right direction!  I'll keep you posted. Are you cleaning along with me?  Please tell me how it's going for you.

A Penny for the Tulips

This post was prepared on our new computer and the pictures were taken with our repaired camera, so I'm back in business.

Look at this cheerful bouquet of tulips that we received from a friend yesterday. She suggested putting a penny in the water to prevent the tulip stems from flopping over.

And sure enough, this morning they were all still standing straight up! Very interesting! I've never heard of this before. Have you?

Alive and Well - One Whole Year Later

I'm sitting here in front of the computer, praying that God will give me the words to write.  This obsession with needing to post something this weekend has been spinning around in my head for weeks and now it's not coming. So I might as well do what usually works for me; just start writing and see what happens.

Somehow this weekend seems important; some kind of a defining point in my life.  Exactly one year ago this past Friday we were told that I had three inoperable tumors in my brain.  And here I am, one whole year later, alive and well and cancer free!

I felt the need to celebrate, to mark the ocassion somehow.  But how?  It was suggested that we go out for dinner or to a movie.  In my mind, neither one had anything at all to do with my miraculous healing and moving on with my life.  And then just as I was waking up on Friday morning, Gerard asked, "How would you like to go and visit your parents today?" 

My mind doesn't switch gears very quickly or easily these days, especially when I'm still half asleep.  So while he went swimming I thought about it and the idea grew on me, until it became a great idea; a perfect way to celebrate!  Visiting my parents when my mom wasn't well last spring and summer was something I wanted to do so many times this year, but couldn't.  So on Friday we went, just because I could!  It was a very meaningful way to spend the day and I'm so glad Gerard thought of it!

People have also been asking me when I would start showing my new hair.  So I decided that, starting on Friday, my wig would go into the closet and I would come out with my own new hair.  One fellow cancer survivor encouraged me to wear my new hair as a badge of honour. And I like that perspective!  It's been fun and exciting and also a little chilly.  A few people at church didn't recognize me at first.  Looking at my very short hair, someone said, "You can actually pull this off - this short hairstyle!  I like it! You look like one of those chic French ladies!"  Well, whatever, it feels wonderful to have some hair again and showing it off is a fun way to mark a transition point back to "(new?) normal".

We've done a lot of remembering and reflecting this weekend.  I keep asking Gerard, "What was happening at this time last year?" When I hear him recount the details, it's hard to believe that it all happened to me!  The pressure of the tumors and the medications were affecting my ability to think.  I was not fully aware of all that happened in those first few days. It seems I had no idea of how serious things looked.  I'm told that for the rest of the family it was a very stressful and worrisome time - they thought I might die. It was all probably much easier for me than for them. They spent a lot of time at my bedside for the first few days, hoping and praying and experiencing a lot of support from their church communities and friends.

So here we are a year later...  As my mom said again on Friday, "A lot of prayers were answered!"

I do believe that God answered many prayers. And yet it's exactly that statement that has prevented me from writing what I was thinking many times over all these months.  I believe that I experienced a miraculous healing.   I believe that God watched over me and took care of me.  I believe God's hand orchestrated a lot of things this year, when bad things turned to good every time. I experienced an unexplainable sense of peace that only God could have given a doubting, worrying, skeptical person like me.  And at the very same time there is this huge question in my mind, "If God answered our prayers and healed me, what about the people who were not healed, even though lots of people prayed just as fervently for them?" 

During my illness I read Psalm 30 (below) and some others so many times! I could not imagine that I was dying.  I was sure that I would be healed.  But, if and when I would be healed, I was not sure how I would "praise you to all my friends" or "speak out to the world about your faithfulness". 

I will praise you, Lord, for you have saved me from my enemies. You refuse to let them triumph over me. O Lord my God, I pleaded with you, and you gave me my health again. You brought me back from the brink of the grave, from death itself, and here I am alive!

...then skipping down to... "Suddenly my courage was gone; I was terrified and panic-stricken.  I cried to you, O Lord; oh, how I pled; "What will you gain, O Lord, from killing me?  How can I praise you then to all my friends?  How can my dust in the grave speak out and tell the world about your faithfulness?  Hear me, Lord; oh, have pity and help me."  Then he turned my sorrow into joy!  He took away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy so that I might sing glad praises to the Lord instead of lying in silence in the grave.  O Lord my God, I will keep on thanking you forever!
(The Living Bible, Psalm 30, verses 1-2 and 7-12)

I am thankful to God for my healing.  I'm immensely grateful every day that my life has been spared from the grave and that I am alive!  And now I want to live in thanksgiving to God for this great gift.  But I don't want it to sound too glib and smooth and cliche - too easy or whatever, because there were others with cancer who had many praying for them, and they died.  My sister had cancer and died.  People all over the world prayed for her.  And yet she died, leaving behind her husband and four young children. 

I find these such difficult questions and I struggle with them a lot!  At the same time, I thank God for the tiniest things in life, because now I notice them and now I appreciate them in a whole new way.   You gave me my health again. You brought me back from the brink of the grave, from death itself, and here I am alive!  Thank you, Lord!   

* sorry, no pictures today.  My camera is still at the repair shop.

Enjoying our Little Oscar

It's Thursday, so we went to hang out with Little Oscar for a few hours. What a treat!

Oscar likes it when Opa swings him back and forth like this

he's really reaching for and grabbing onto toys

This was so much fun to watch!

He'd push himself up, 

see himself in the mirror,

start laughing,

couldn't hold up his head while laughing,

drop his head on the blanket.

Push himself back up again,

see himself in the mirror,

start laughing...

(wish I had my good camera so I could have filmed it!)

 look who's got more hair now!

On his birthday he started off with more hair than I had at the time.

His fell out while mine grew back in.

Amaryllis Update

Just a quick update to show you what's happening with the amaryllis.  Six of the eight buds have opened already. At first I was disappointed with the colour, but now it almost looks like a pencil crayon drawing and it's growing on me. I like it in the photos, but not so much in real life in the living room.

And in other news, I'm still spring cleaning - yes I am!  On again, off again, but I'm making progress.  And tomorrow is Thursday!  so I thought I'd better post the flower picture today, because a certain little someone might be stealing the show tomorrow -  if my old camera will work for me.  Unfortunately I dropped my newer camera yesterday so it's in the repair shop and won't be ready until next Tuesday or Wednesday, if they're able to repair it.  We'll see what I can do with my old one tomorrow.