Back to Sorting and Purging

It's been a while since I worked on decluttering the house.  The last round of chemo kind of got in the way.  Now that I'm pretty well over that, it's time to get back at the sorting and purging.  Yesterday I asked Gerard to help me with the aquarium and all it's related paraphanalia. 

When we were first married we were quite into the tropical fish hobby with 5 aquariums, hatching brine shrimp, our angel fish were laying eggs, ... Our friends even did a skit about aquariums at our wedding reception - the bottom line being that when you visit Gerard and Ellie's place you better expect to find fish everywhere - maybe even in the bathtub!

So yesterday we sarted out with:
- one dirty algae-filled aquarium currently in use
- one old broken aquarium filled with odds and ends
- one box of  30-some-yr.-old aquarium supplies
- one box of relatively current aquarium supplies
- a few containers of gravel, shells, and stones

sorting aquarium supplies



We ended up with:
- one very clean looking aquarium!
- one box of useful aquarium supplies (carbon, gravel, fish food & medication, net, syphoning hose etc)
- an open space on our storage shelf!
and...
- one old aquarium with old stuff that's going to the curb (garbage probably, unless someone picks it up)
- one box of garbage (total garbage!  Why did we still have it?!)

the clean aquarium - can you find 10 fish?

Wow!  It feels so good to get that all sorted and cleaned up! 

Next target spot:  the bathroom closet.  

Psalm of Thanksgiving

Congratulations to Henry & Melanie on their 5th wedding anniversary today!  Thank you, Lord, for bringing them together! 

And...
Just as I clicked on "publish post" yesterday, our pastor arrived.  As usual, we chatted for a bit, he prayed with us, shared a passage from the Bible - Psalm 30 this time, we talked some more and he prayed with us again.  I love these visits.  They help me stay focused on what's important.  And they also remind me how good and important it is for me to be part of a supportive faith community. 

God must be directing our pastor to passages to share with us because each time he reads a Psalm it seems to speak directly to where I'm at that week. Since yesterday's visit I've been reading Psalm 30 and the following verses are jumping out at me:

1.  I praise you, Lord, because you have saved me and kept my enemies from gloating over me. (after the diagnosis and during the time of spiritual warfare in my second round of chemo). 
2.  I cried to you for help, O Lord my God, and you healed me;
4.  Sing praise to the Lord, all his faithful people! Remember what the Holy One has done, and give him thanks!
5. ...tears may flow through the night, but joy comes in the morning.
6.  I felt secure and said to myself, "I will never be defeated."
7.  You were good to me, Lord; you protected me like a mountain fortress.  But then you hid yourself from me, and I was afraid.
8   I called to you, Lord:  I begged for your help: ...
9.  Hear me, Lord, and be merciful!  Help me, Lord!"
10.  You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance:  you have taken away my sorrow and surrounded me with joy.
11.  So I will not be silent; I will sing praise to you.  Lord, you are my God;  I will give you thanks forever.

the phlox plants are in full bloom this week

Random Thursday Thoughts

There's a wonderful fine drizzle that is making everything outside soaking wet!  Perfect for the garden, especially the cosmos from last month's growing project, that I just transplanted to the front flower bed.

some of the transplanted cosmos seedlings

And also for the hosta that got moved from the back yard to the front yard yesterday. Part of the front flower bed needed something with large smooth leaves to contrast all the plants with tiny leaves. So something had to move. Now it feels much better!

hosta in upper left

With a sudden burst of energy I vacuumed the whole main floor a few hours ago, did dishes, ironed a shirt, took pictures outside, and had lunch.  Feels so good to have energy!  This morning we walked to our local farmer's market.  I asked all the vendors whether their produce was organic, but unfortunately none of it was so we'll have to keep looking.  I love the colours at the market!



This is only my first week after chemo and I'm doing sooooo well!  We've been doing all kinds of things, including shopping for a few new shirts for Gerard, going out for dinner, going for walks, and making plans for some day trips in August.  It just feels so good to be so happy and bubbly with energy and ideas inside - even without steroids! 

Sometimes I forget all about having cancer and then every once in a while I get a reality check.  Like the other day -  someone from Sunnybrook called with the date for my MRI (August 12) and with the time of  our appointment with the radiation oncologist (August 19) and that after a few planning appointments the radiation will probably start in the first week of September.  "Oh, that's right, we're not quite done with this cancer yet!"  Too bad! This time off is feeling really good!

Oh, the Yonge Street end of our street is going to be closed permanently starting tomorrow because after about 20 years of planning they're finally building the section of the ring road (around Yonge) at the end of our street.

Houses and trees are coming down.  We've been going there on our evening walks to check out the progress. 

And look at the surprise I found out on our back patio!  This plant was looking too ugly to stay in the kitchen, so I put it in the shade against the back of the house and kind of forgot about it.  Then when I went to move it (to where?!) the other day, I noticed it had a flower coming again, so now it's allowed to be out in full view right outside our back door again for a while.

And this is what I saw beside our mail box this morning.  No wonder they're called morning glories!



Well, our pastor is  coming by any minute now, to pray with us, so I'd better start wrapping this up.  This is what it says on a book mark that was enclosed in one of my birthday cards:

Be still, and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times.

Shifting to Organic Produce

 growing lettuce in a bushel basket on the back patio

As I mentioned a while ago, we are very slowly starting to shift to buying some organic produce.  In response to that post a friend sent me the following e-mail which I thought I'd share here in case you might be wondering, like us, about how or where to start:

I try to buy organic as much as I can but with the price difference sometimes it’s just good to know which ones are the essential ones to buy organic. I found this great article from Yahoo!Green. These are the list of fruits and vegetables with the highest pesticide residues.


Dirty Dozen 2011 (in order of highest contamination to least)
Apples
Celery
Strawberries
Peaches
Spinach
Nectarines (imported)
Grapes (imported)
Sweet bell peppers
Potatoes
Blueberries (domestic)
Lettuce
Kale/collard greens


I’ve also included the "clean fifteen" which are the fruits and veggies with the lowest levels of pesticides so there's no need to spend your money on organic versions. If you chose your daily recommended five to ten servings of fruit and vegetables from the least contaminated list, you will reduce the amount of pesticides ingested by 92% - without having to shell out extra money for organics.


Clean Fifteen 2011
Onions
Sweet corn
Pineapples
Avocado
Asparagus
Sweet peas
Mangoes
Eggplants
Cantaloupe (domestic)
Kiwi
Cabbage
Watermelon
Sweet potatoes
Grapefruit
Mushrooms

I (Ellie) hope this is a reliable and accurate source of information (Yahoo/Green).  If you know more about this or have any helpful hints on how to start shifting to organic food, I'd love to hear from you.
 
Another way to have access to organic food is to grow your own.  I used to grow more in the back yard, but for some reason am having less and less success over the last ten years - maybe the trees are bigger?
But where there's a will, there's usually a way.  By now we have some produce growing in containers on the back patio and in the flower beds in the front yard. 
 

 today's tiny little harvest of homegrown produce

Showers of Blessings

In sorting through my shelf and box of music I ran across some old hymnals and found this song in the "Baptist Hymnal".  Remember this?

There shall be showers of blessing: this is the promise of love;

There shall be seasons refreshing, sent from the Saviour above.

black-eyed susan plant now in full bloom

I feel so blessed these days by love, care, and support from so many people!  In addition to all the birthday phone calls, e-mails, and FaceBook messages we received, look at all the cards!  Our traditional birthday-card-display-space on the piano could hardly hold them all!  Every once in a while a breeze from the fan or outside catches them and then we have a shower of birthday cards! 

Sometimes there are little surprises, like notes of encouragement and inspiration, tucked into the cards. I'll  share one that came this week from a fellow cancer survivor (oops! freudian slip?  Well, I have survived cancer for at least six months already - and who knows how long it was around already before that?).  Here's the note: I hope it will inspire you too.

I saw a bookmark at the store the other day and it said,

"Remember to live just this one day
and not add tomorrow's troubles to today's load".

- Vicki Worsham.

This is such a great quote. 

God only knows what will happen tomorrow,

so we need to live each day to the fullest.

enjoying our neighbour's bull thistle through the chain link fence

Speaking of showers, it finally rained here early Monday morning and again during the night last night. The whole garden seems to be heaving a huge sigh of relief and everything is starting to recover from the hot dry weather we've had here the last few weeks. 

purple cone flowers that just came out a few days ago

And I found my "Incredible Edibles" book - right on my plant book shelf!  No idea why I couldn't find it before and so happy to have it back again!

Monday Morning Updates

What a weekend that was! Wow! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

By now it's almost 1:30 Monday morning and I'm still running on adrenaline, I think. On both Thursday and Friday I was so tired and unfocussed because of chemo fog that I slept through most of those two days. By Friday evening the fog started to clear a bit, so we went for a short walk under our big golf umbrella to enjoy the smell and feel of the rain.

Saturday I looked forward to our party all day and then we celebrated and partied! and by Sunday amazingly still had lots of energy all day to attend church, have lunch, nap, and then enjoy a BBQ and campfire with friends!

Just a few random updates on some other things:
- due to a severe staffing shortage, and a mutual decision between the doctor and us, I did not end up having a spinal infusion of chemo last week. I'd already had one more than originally planned, and since my favorite doctor was away on vacation, we didn't want to risk any complications just before my birthday, so we just happily agreed to skip the last infusion altogether.

- A few weeks ago I experienced a reiki treatment for the very first time. Reiki is a Japanese-based form of therapy that promotes relaxation, stress reduction and healing. It is done by the laying on of hands to invite energy in and around your body. It was kind of a nice relaxing, but I didn't experience anything in the way of special sensations in or around my body, and nothing changed afterwards. Maybe I'll try it again someday if the opportunity comes up with a different therapist. For now I'll just chalk up as a new experience.

- During the long drought last week Gerard did his best to keep our garden watered, but overall the garden is looking in desperate need of some real rain water. However, things are surviving and we ate our first homegrown lettuce and cherry tomatoes of the season yesterday.

- Yesterday I was thinking about how my birthday usually makes me feel - very special, from getting spoiled with extra attention, cards, gifts, visits, and phone calls. And yesterday was like that, especially with our celebration party. And then I realized that on top of it all, I've received that kind of royal treatment for six whole months already, ever since the diagnosis! Wow! Thank you all for showering us with love and support and prayers for such a long time already!

Let's Party!

Yesterday, 15 hours after getting home from my last round of chemo, we had a party to celebrate my 60th birthday and the end of chemo!  We had asked people to arrive at 7:30 pm and it felt like the longest day ever!  I wish we had said 3:00 pm!  I felt like a little kid!  So nervous and excited about my upcoming party! 

When I opened this huge card it played "The Chicken Song"

and everyone immediately responded with the "chicken dance".  So much fun!

It was hard to know who to invite because I wanted to invite everyone! but realized I wouldn't have the energy for such a huge event.  So we ended up having to set some limits and we ended up inviting our children, who invited my niece Anna, as the "mystery guest"...

our pastor, elder, and deacon (L to R below)...

and our prayer partners... all of whom, along with many others, have journeyed very closely with us for the last six months.  We had a time of prayer - to give thanks to God for these six months and to pray for continued healing.  We look forward to a much larger celebration with many more people some time in the future.

Everyone brought some food to share.  For my birthday cake, Alida made my favourite dessert - tiramisu!

And she also made a pirate-ship-birthday-cake for Henry's birthday, which was earlier this week.

partially eaten pirate ship cake

I had wondered whether I'd be able to manage a busy and exciting evening like this - so soon after my hospital stay.  God provided!  I slept almost all day Thursday and Friday and so was ready with some extra energy.  At the point when everyone was arriving, there was a moment when I had to take some time out in our bedroom, just lie down for 5 - 10 minutes, take some deep breaths and thank God for this celebration.  From there on in I spent part of the time on the couch and participated in the festivities from there. 

All in all, it was a wonderful evening of friends, fellowship, and food; thanksgiving, prayer, and praise; including some tears and lots of laughter.  Exactly as I had hoped it would be!  What a celebration!  Thank you, Lord!

Home Again!

We got home around 4 pm today. I'm feeling pretty drowsy, but otherwise fine. So far I've slept, watered some plants, slept, had some toast, slept, ate salad, slept, called my mom for her birthday, and hope to sleep some more...

Today is my mother's 89th birthday! 

My mother and I - three weeks ago at John & Jessica's wedding

Songs in the Night

Has anyone had a ride yet in the new six-car train that started on the Yonge line this morning? I toured a sample a few years ago and saw a picture in yesterday's Metro paper. Can't wait to ride one!

Last night as I was lying in bed, before falling to sleep, these songs kept running through my mind:

Songs in the daytime, songs in the night,
Songs of devotion, songs of delight,
Melodies ringing, in my heart singing,
Jesus gives me a song... Jesus gives me a song.


And remember this one way from the 70's?

Thank You for giving me this morning,
Thank You for every day that's new.
Thank You that I can know my worries
can be cast on you.

And another based on Lamentations 3: 22-24...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning new every morning
Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord!
Great is thy faithfulness!

Change Takes Intentionality

It's been another very good day! No nausea at all and I was able to eat little bits all throughout the day. The chaplain hosted his weekly tea with baked goodies in our lounge this afternoon so I sat and socialized there for a while and also enjoyed a visit from a lovely high school volunteer. Then there were more visitors and phone calls. I can handle being in a private room this way!

Just wanted to share a few more quotes from Ann Voskamp's book called, "One Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are".

She started on her list of a thousand blessings - one thousand gifts - and people started noticing that she had changed.

"....I may have always known that change takes real intentionality, like a woman bent over her garden beds every day with a spade ( I can relate to that!) and the determined will to grow up something good to strengthen the heart...


"...How in the world, for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisteo (thanksgiving) to overcome my one ugly and self-destructive habit of ingratitude...with the saving habit of gratitude - that would lead me back to deep God-communion?


"..to live at all - I needed to know...


"...I had read too, written by a wise man of old, Jean Pierre de Caussade, " When one is thirsty, one quenches one's thirst by drinking, not by reading books which treat of this condition." If we are dying of thirst, passively reading books about water quenches little; the only way to quench the parched mouth is to close the book and dip the hand into water and bring it to the lips. If we thirst, we'll have to drink...


"...I would have to do something...


"...But I hadn't known at all the day I laid aside the books about eucharistea (thanksgiving) And picked up a pen to begin that list that I was really taking down, swallowing, the first real drink and how I'd transform. Or that the transformation would be so visible..."

I'll need to stop quoting now because I might be breaking some copyright laws here. It's just that this all resonates with me so strongly. And it is also the bottom line of what a friend told me recently. So I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.

Maybe there will be more to tell some other day. Now it's time for bed. I'm looking forward to another great day!

Hi from Room C-67!

Here I sit in a chair at the foot of my bed, with my trusty IV pole and a styrofoam cup filled with hot mint tea right beside me, and the colourful garden quilt and a beautiful bouquet of flowers cheering up this space.

Even though we don't have private coverage, I landed in a private room because there was no bed available in any of the women's wards. I have a window, peace and quiet, a bathroom complete with tub and shower, all to myself!

I don't want to be ungrateful, but at first it was a shock to be in here all by myself. I thrive on being around people so being tucked away in an isolation unit with two doors between me and the hallway doesn't exactly boost my spirits. Good thing Gerard does enjoy the quiet and larger space, so he visited for an extra long time today.

I'm actually starting to get used to the quiet. It gives me some time to read and think and sleep.

Today's been a good day! The IV chemo was started early and finished early. We followed the countdown of the numbers on the IV monitor for the main chemo drug (Methotrexate) and actually saw it (and took a picture) when it read, 0 ml/hr, 0 ml, infusion complete, END OF INFUSION."

 Yahoo! The chemo is all done!!!

In all our excitement I forgot all about the spinal infusion that didn't happen yet today (probably tomorrow) and then there are still three chemo pills per day until next Monday. But still, the main dose of chemo is done and the end is in sight.

About mid evening I started feeling a bit nauseous and my stomach started churning and then settled down again. I feel so well now that it almost feels like I'm sitting on the couch at home reading. From this spot I can see the activity in the hallway and that feels good too.

I'm trying to live in the moment, be thankful and to count my blessings. And when I stop to think about it, there are a lot of blessings! Maybe I should start a list too.

Here are a few quotes from the book I'm reading: "One thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. She has an interesting and unusual way of using words, so these are not spelling mistakes below, but just her unique way of wording things.

...Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow down time with weight of full attention. In this space of time and sphere (a beautiful soap bubble in her dishwashing bucket), I am attentive, aware, accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here...
... p.69


...I want to slow down and taste life, give thanks, and see God... p.77

Time to get ready for bed and get some sleep. Good night!

Off to Round Six of Chemo!

There is a hospital bed available for me for 8 o'clock tonight.  So we had dinner at home together and will soon be heading off to Sunnybrook.  I'm hoping to come home on Friday (maybe Saturday), just in time for my 60th birthday on Saturday!

This bouquet was a gift to take to the hospital

Monday, Monday!

First of all, a great big HAPPY 34th BIRTHDAY!!! to Henry. On the day he was born we became parents. We are so thankful to God to see our little baby boy grown up into a wise, caring, loyal, dependable, loving, God-honouring adult and loving husband  - soon-to-be a daddy.

Henry often manages to avoid the camera

so I "borrowed" this picture from his Face Book page.

Today we're in the waiting mode - waiting for a call from the hospital to say they have a bed for me for my last round of chemo. I never quite know what to do on these waiting days and am always kind of nervous and apprehensive about another round in the hospital.  However, this time I'm relatively even-keeled, emotionally,  and kind of looking forward to getting this last round over with.   

I've been running on nervous energy all day. Started the morning off with two hours of gardening and then vacuumed the whole house - both upstairs and downstairs without a break!  It feels good to be so energetic and productive.   

Isn't this interesting?!  It looks like some kind of creature is eating "paths" through the leaves.

Look at this book that a friend brought me the other day!  I couldn't believe it!  The picture of the nest with the robin eggs is almost like the picture at the top of my blog. It's called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and it's about counting your blessings and giving thanks.  She describes herself: "I'm a farmer's wife,.  I'm the homeschooling mother of six children."  She writes how she's always wanted to I live, to really live, with joy and love, but just couldn't find that way of living. 

Then one day one of her friends challenged her to write a list of a thousand things that she loves; to name one thousand blessings, one thousand gifts... not gifts that I want but gifts that I already have...  And so she starts her list:  they are just the common things... gifts He bestows... this writing it down is sort of like... unwrapping love. 

About the list she says, the list, it feels foreign, strange.  Long, I am a woman who speaks but one language, the language of the fall - discontentment and self-condemnation, the critical eye and the never satisfied."

As she reads her Bible she finds that Jesus often gave thanks, and miracles followed.  Her life is transforming as she makes her list...  

And I'm still reading this book - only on the third chapter so far... I think I can learn a lot from this book.  It's already turning into a blessing.  Thank you, Lord!

flower on an onion plant

I just love this cute, round little canning jar!  It came from a friend who had filled it with candied ginger.  Now it sits on our coffee table filled with almonds and raisins.  And I just get a happy feeling every time I see this little jar.

So I'll let you know when I go to the hospital and will do my best to keep you posted while I'm there.  Have a good week!  And thanks for all your love, prayers, and support!

Four Weeks Off!

We just got back from our monthly appointment with our oncologist and I'm so relieved and excited. Our oncologist told us that after my chemo treatment next week I'll have a whole four weeks off except for going in for an MRI !

I had expected that radiation-related appointments would start right after the chemo and then daily radiation for two or three weeks. Now, instead, there will be four whole weeks, instead of the usual three, to recover from the chemo, and time to let my immune system get stronger before even any preparatory appointments for radiation start. So it kind of feels like we have part of our summer back! yahoo!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been experiencing some minor headaches lately and so we raised that concern today.  Dr. Berenstien said it's probably because of some inflamation of the tissue in the lining of the brain.  This is a normal and expected result of the chemo treatments I've been having and they noticed the beginnning of that inflamation in the MRI done in May.  After asking some questions about the severity and location of my headaches he left it at that.

We also asked whether I would be getting another spinal infusion this coming week.  He had not planned for one, but when I suggested that I have one anyway, just to get more chemo up there, he readily agreed to put in an order for one.  Since coming home today I've had a constant headache and am wondering whether having another spinal would make the headaches worse.  If yes, would it be better to have anti-inflamatories (steroids?) to reduce the swelling of the inflamation and go ahead with the spinal, or cancel the spinal?  I imagine that all the other regular chemo could also increase the inflamation and then I might need anti-inflamatories (steroids?) anyway, so then we might as well get some extra chemo up there.  What to do?

Anyways, we also had a nice little chat with the psychologist and concluded that I'm now in quite a different state of mind compared to a few months ago when I made the first appointment to see her. I really just want to get on with life, so we have no further appointments scheduled at the moment, but were invited to set one up if we ever feel the need to chat some more.

So... Life Is looking pretty happy right now. I'm looking forward to August again!

Random Friday Morning Updates

fresh bouquet just picked from the garden



Good Friday morning! I'm up at the crack of dawn because I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Today is going to be a big day with lots on the agenda!

First of all my niece, Karen, who has been staying with us for the past two weeks, is leaving very early today on a 5-week mission trip so I wanted to make sure I was up on time to see her off.

Today is my second visit with the psychologist and also our monthly appointment with our oncologist, in preparation for next week's chemo round - the sixth and last one! I notice that I keep saying "our" appointment and "our" doctor. Our = Gerard's and mine. We are totally on this journey together.

As husband and wife you just can't help being involved in each other's lives when something like this hits. Gerard has been incredibly caring and supportive through this whole cancer journey so far. I sometimes think it could well be more difficult being the onlooker and caregiver than the patient. I'm pretty well preoccupied with myself and whatever I'm dealing with. And much as he'd like to, there's nothing he can do to change the circumstances.

He's the one to keep things together - running back and forth to the hospital and pharmacy; filling in documents for employment insurance, longterm disability and medical benefits; running the household; driving me here, there and everywhere; keeping the family, friends and our church community informed; and providing the stability while my emotions are unpredictable and all over the place.

Well, that was an unexpected little detour from the updates. Oh well, that's alright. I don't sing Gerard's praises often enough, so he deserves to get some of the attention, although he much prefers to operate quietly in the background.

first black-eyed susan of the season

So back to the updates... Yesterday afternoon Alida arrived back safely and tired from a week of vacation in London, England. We're popping by her place on our way to our appointments this morning to give her a big "welcome Home" hug. I guess we'll hear stories and see pictures later.

We've decided to shift to buying organic produce just because it must be healthier for us - no chemical pesticides, preservatives, and fertilizers. Yesterday we started with blueberries, bananas, and spinach from Loblaws, where they carry a lot of organics. We'll continue to look for a place that doesn't package everything in plastic containers, but for now to get us started Loblaws seems the most convenient.

On the gardening front, the cosmos seeds are sprouting and on last count 14 plants were growing their second set of leaves already. We haven't seen any rabbits around this week. Wonder what happened to them? And I may have unfairly been blaming them for stripping all the leaves from our green bean plants. I heard on the garden show on Monday that slugs could be the culprits. The way to find out is to check the plants with a flashlight just before dawn. One of these days when I wake up really early again I might just try that. For now I've spread crushed egg shells around the plants. Slugs don't like the sharp shells on their smooth skin, so hopefully that will deter them somewhat.

I'm coming along quite well on my list of goals for the week; about halfway on the gardening, did a vacationey thing, 5 pages left to read in "What's so Amazing about Grace", daily salads and smoothies, read Ecclesiastes quickly so will now do it more meditatively, visited with friends, did some house cleaning, ..what else? Oh, exercise!  I started doing yoga with a video from the library, and was also gardening a lot.  I think all the bending involved was starting to give me mild head aches, so I decided to cut back on the yoga for now and am walking more instead.  And sort and purge the playroom shelves! Haven't started on that yet. Maybe tomorrow:)

first morning glory to open this season

Our Mini Vacation

Yesterday afternoon we headed up to Sibbald Point Provincial Park, exactly a one-hour drive north east of here.  Despite the fact that it's so close to the city (of Toronto), this park is very quiet on week days and we enjoy going up there once in a while.  With trees right on parts of the beach, it's possible to stay in the shade and still be close to the water's edge, which is good for me because right now I have to stay out of the sun since chemo makes you more sensitive to the sun.  

Gerard was reading and I was lying on our fold-out lounge chair listening to the sounds of summer; children playing with sand and water, the small waves breaking on the shore, the sea gulls squawking ... and I almost fell asleep - maybe I did.  Very relaxing! 

We stayed into the early evening.  By then most day-trippers had left and campers had gone back to their sites (for dinner?) and it was so  peaceful!  We enjoyed our tradition of getting an ice cream cone from the camp store and sat at the "rocky beach" for a while watching some sail boats, the clouds, the waves...  Felt like we had a mini vacation!

Today I feel almost "normal" - as in the former normal.  I have energy and motivation and no chemo side effects.  It feels wonderful!  Started out watering the garden and later we walked to Yonge Street to run some errands, a phone call, lunch, prepared a salad for dinner, this blog post, then a nap... It's interesting how a day like this now makes me feel "normal" while this new normal is far from what I would usually be doing; working three days a week, volunteering for all kinds of things, driving around and doing things independently, etc.  Oh well,  I'm thankful for days like yesterday and today.

A few days ago a friend brought me this book (picture above).  In it Angelina Fast-Vlaar shares some of her cancer journey through her poetry and journal entries.  I "inhaled" the whole book in one day, but it's one of those books that you can refer to over and over again and I plan to read it again more slowly and carefully.  There were sections that matched my experience exactly, and others that were uniquely her experience. 

She had to have chemo weekly for a whole year!  The chemo made her very, very ill and gave her sores in her mouth and took away her sense of taste.  She would feel very miserable for four days and then have maybe three relatively good days and then have to go back for chemo again, every week for a whole year!!!  Some of her little grandchildren thought chemo was the disease.

This makes my experience feel like a walk in the park.  Only six rounds of chemo in six months.  Two or three days of mild nausea, some headaches (a long time ago) and diminished energy, all kinds of random mild side effects, but generally one or two or three whole weeks of feeling relatively well before the next round of chemo.  I'm counting my blessings!  Thank you, Lord!  And thank you for sparing Angelina's  life so that she could share her experience in a way that comforts and encourages others.

found this right behind our spot on the beach

Plans for this Week

Another whole week of relatively high energy and feeling well before going in for the sixth and final round of chemo next week!

Yesterday I caught myself already brooding about having to go back to the hospital and even beyond that, about radiation. What will that be like? What kind of side-effects will I experience? How much energy will I have for the month of August and into September? Will there be any permanent brain damage? Will they be able to kill off all of the cancer?

What a waste of a potentially good week! I should know by now that it's better to take things one day at a time. And ... that God promises to be with me no matter what kind of circumstances I encounter.

art on our patio

So... I woke up with my head bubbling with energy and ideas for this week. Here are some of the things I hope to do before going in for chemo again:

- do some serious house cleaning like washing the floors, dusting all the little knick-knack shelves, etc.
- get everything in the garden caught up - clean up around the swing set, re-arrange the compost heap, weed and edge everything
- finish reading "What's so Amazing about Grace?"
- read the book of Ecclesiastes
- take care of my health: have a green smoothie and a raw salad every day, try to find an herbalist to help boost my immune system with something, get at least 6 hours of sleep per night.
- exercise every day. I think the reason I've been all mixed up with days and nights since the last hospital stay is that I'm not tired enough to sleep at night. So, more exercise and shorter day-time naps.
- sort and purge the stuff on the shelving unit in the playroom we're working on.
- visit with friends or our kids at least twice.
- do something vacationey - like go to Sibbald Provincial Park for a day or go on the ferry to the Toronto Islands.

black bean salad

This morning I got a good start on some of the above. I mopped all the floors, cleaned up around the swing set, and read a few chapters in Amazing Grace book. Looking forward to a productive and exciting week!

Saturday

It's been a good week!  My brother Nick and niece Karen were staying with us while attending events in the GTA for the week.  Every evening we had something on the go.  Among other things we visited Henry & Melanie, Alida, and Mark & Rosemary, so Nick and Karen could see how and where they live. 

Three more boxes of stuff out the door. You'd think our house would be almost empty by now, but nowhere near!  We have a lot of charities that call us for used clothing, household goods or toys.  You just put them on your front porch on the agreed on date, they pick them up, sell them to Value Village, and so raise money for their organization.  It's an easy way to dispose of some of our "stuff" in a way that it gets re-used or recycled. 

This tile (below) was created by Joanne Sytsma, a member of our church community.  She told me about it at church last week so we looked for it at Sunnybrook Hospital on Friday and found it!  Fun to find art work in a public place by someone you know!

Friday night our mission was the featured charity at Mel Lastman Square's family night.  All the money donated in appreciation of the magic show and paid for the popcorn and lemonade went to support the mission.  I'm curious to know how much was raised.  It was fun to meet some of the mission staff there. Here's Shelby (in green) telling the audience a little about Toronto City Mission.

I like this sign that is posted at the edge of the stage.

On Friday morning I woke up to the decision to get my hair cut ... again!  It was so thin and straggly, that I couldn't do anything with it except cover it up.  I'm getting used to my new low maintenance style.

The cosmos seeds have started sprouting already! I counted nine today.