Enjoying the Holidays

We are enjoying these relaxing days between Christmas and New Years. A few nights ago our world suddenly turned into a winter wonderland.

We are enjoying our warm comfortable home, the snowy scenes outside our windows, watching the construction across the street, going for walks...

making puzzles while listening to music, anticipating the arrival of the mail everyday with all its annual letters and Christmas cards, phone calls to catch up with people...  Gerard's been enjoying  his easy chair with a big fat novel he got for Christmas, library books, the paper and sudoku puzzles.  What a life!

I had kind of given myself until January to really relax and concentrate on recovery.  Now my mind is starting to switch gears, looking forward to the new year.  I'm getting excited about gardening ideas for the coming season and am trying to decide on other manageable priorities for the next few months.  Really looking forward to the coming year!  Happy New Year, everyone!

Boxing Day with Our Own Little Family

On Boxing Day we enjoyed more family time with Alida, Mark, Rosemary, Henry, Melanie and little Oscar coming over for brunch and our gift exchange. Oscar hadn't even been in the house for five minutes, before Gerard claimed him for some dedicated Opa-and-Oscar time.

And then it was my turn.  An hour of heavenly bliss!  So peaceful and warm and comfortable!  He slept in my arms and I just watched him and soaked in the love and wonder of it all.

Oscar is our very best gift of the year!!! 
(along with my restored health)
(and Alida moving back here from Australia)
(and... well, never mind)

He's becoming aware of things in his environment...

and his hands

and is giving us lots of smiles

exactly 3 month old on Boxing Day!

There, your little Oscar fix! I'll try to restrain myself from posting only pictures of him for a while, but he's so irresistable!  We love him so much!  Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful gift!  

Christmas Day with Extended Family

For Christmas Day my dad reserved the fellowship hall, kitchen and gym of their church.  Great facilities for a family day!  About half of our family is scattered over California, South Dakota, Alberta, and Eastern Ontario.  The rest of us in Southern Ontario got together on Sunday afternoon and evening. Wonderful time of catching up and socializing over various activities...

puzzles and games in the fellowship hall

checking out family albums that one of my brothers sent
for each family unit

my mom enjoying her newest great grandchild

watching the floor hockey game from the kitchen window

lots of yummy treats, including this almond ring
- a Dutch Christmas tradition

potluck dinner

Our annual tradition after Christmas dinner...

gathering near the Christmas tree,

with Opa reading the Christmas story

from the children's story Bible

interspersed with the singing of Christmas carols

four generations - my parents, me, our son Henry, our grandson - Oscar

(*first 3 and last photo courtesy of my niece Alexa)

Unto Us A Child Is Born

Unto us a child is born,

Unto us a son is given...

And his name shall be called

Wonderful

Counselor

Almighty God

Everlasting Father

Prince of Peace

Isaiah 9:6

Simple Christmas Decor

Last week I pulled on my garden gloves, found my garden clippers, and headed into the back yard to cut some dried sedum flowers and fill a basket with sprigs of boxwood, yew, and cedar.  Arranged them all on the kitchen table, added a few candles and pine cones and about an hour later the house was filled with simple Christmas decor.

on the living room coffee table

in the stairwell down to the basement

advent wreath on the sideboard in the kitchen

on the front door

and on the fireplace mantle

It's been a peaceful time leading up to Christmas this year.  I was not part of all the busyness that we usually experience every year before Christmas at the mission, where I've been working over the past twelve years, so that alone makes a big difference.  In an effort to pace myself a bit I skipped the Christmas baking and we simplified our gift-giving by exchanging names, so hardly any shopping. 

It's a cozy time of year and joyful too when you can manage to stay away from all the commercial hype.  I love the music, the lights and the fireplace, and am looking forward to the special church services on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and also family time on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  Just nice and simple and peaceful - this pace is fine for me this year.  I'm so thankful to be able to experience it all!

What the Neurologist Said

Hi There!

taking a picture of my own hair is kind of tricky

So yesterday afternoon I went to see a cognitive neurologist at Sunnybrook - the last of my medical appointments for 2011!!  She is one of only four people in the whole Toronto area who do what she does.  We are so fortunate with our access to medical services so close to home! They put me through a whole series of simple tests to check my memory and brain function.  Things like: what day is it today?  date?  year?  who is the prime minister of Canada? premier of Ontario?  list the months of the year in reverse order, repeat the following set of numbers, repeat the following numbers in reverse order, copy this picture, copy same picture on flip side of page without seeing original, five minutes later draw same picture from memory again, please accept this piece of paper from me and fold it in half and put it on your lap, please repeat "cat, apple, table", five minutes later please remember same three words, fifteen minutes later remember same three words, etc. There was also a physical exam (eyes, reflexes, sense of touch, balance).

It seems that most of these were very basic and standard tests meant for stroke victims, people being checked for alzheimers or dementia, and people with brain trauma or injury.  The conclusion was that according to these tests my brain is still very high functioning, all things considered.  After examining all my MRI images and hearing my report she called me a miracle woman.  Apparently they have one other "miracle woman" who had a huge lesion (tumor) also from CNS lymphoma, like what I had, and she is also still doing just fine three years later.  So now I am their second and new "miracle woman".  I got the impression that she was particularly interested in my case, since she brought in three other people to see and hear my report.  It made me realize even more how miraculous my recovery is! 

I was also asked to fill in a questionnaire about daily activities such as getting washed, dressed, feeding myself, making phone calls, doing tasks around the house, food preparation, driving, shopping, tracking finances, etc.  It was very encouraging to realize how much better I am able to manage many of these activities now than I was earlier this year.

This neurologist will be scheduling more detailed tests for me, probably in February, including inserting an electrode somewhere to watch or measure how/whether the messages are being transmitted in my brain and whether there is any blockage anywhere.  Fascinating!  And so amazing to see how intricately God created our bodies to function!  I think it's an absolute miracle that they actually work at all! 

She suggested that I take my time about going back to work, probably not before March, when she will hopefully have the results of the January MRI and the additional tests she will be ordering.  "Give your brain time to rest and to recover from all it's been through.  It's been through a lot.  Don't push yourself too much.  It takes time to heal."  She also recommended that I don't drive for a few months yet.  Something to do with spatial orientation - she thinks I might be having trouble with that.

look at my hair!  It's coming!  I'm so excited!



So, in a way that was a relief, because I don't really fully trust myself driving.  At the same time it was disappointing because I love to get behind the wheel, hit the road, and go somewhere... London, Stratford, Ottawa....  I love the freedom!  Hopefully this driving ban won't last forever.  Oh, well, all things in perspective.  I can go anywhere, anytime I want, - just not driving myself.  My brother is always cheerful and outgoing and helpful; he never complains and yet he is confined to a wheelchair all the time.  Thanks for being such a good role model and inspiration to me, Jeff! 

our baby brush feels really good on my itchy scalp



The neurologist said to take my time about things, wait until my hair starts growing back, because that's a good indication that your body is starting to get back to normal. Well, I had been told that it would be about three months before my hair would start growing back and TA-DA! It's starting to grow! Can you see the peach fuzz in the pictures? I'm so excited! It feels so nice and fuzzy - the promise of more to come! This week I found our baby hair brush - good memories of when the kids were little. It's just perfect for brushing my little bit of hair - not because it gets messy, but it feels great to brush my scalp when it's itchy.

And my hair is not the only thing growing around here. This orchid just popped out a whole new set of flowers this week. This is the most amazing plant! It just grows and thrives all by itself! I've never had one before and so I haven't done anything to it except give it a little bit of water once a week. When I received  it as a gift from a friend in June it was in bloom just like this. The flowers have lasted all those months until just a few weeks ago when they started dropping off one by one, revealing a whole new set of buds. And now those have all opened and we're enjoying these flowers again. Wonder how long they will last?

Our Little Christmas Elf

Look what I just found in our e-mail!

And guess who was babysitting again, today? 

It wasn't me. I was off to see a neurologist for an assessment of how well my brain is functioning these days. More on that tomorrow (good news).

(Photos courtesy of Alida and her I-phone)

My Peaceful Healthy but Self-Centered Lifestyle

Hi There!  I'm still alive and well - doing very well, actually.  I've been so pre-occupied with my self-centered little life that I haven't even done any blogging lately. That was also partly because whenever I used the computer I got pain around my left eye.  I had my eyes checked this week and everything is fine with them and a few months ago when I experienced the same thing an MRI didn't show any problems.  Think it might be a pinched nerve or something in my neck. Still need to get that checked sometime.  Next week is my last medical appointment of the year!  - with a neurologist to test and see how well my brain is functioning after the tumors and the treatments. 

With the end of 2011 in sight I've been thinking a lot about this past year. It's been a challenging and yet amazing year. It's hard to believe that I actually had cancer and that I went through all those treatments, and that I survived! It all seems like it happened in another life time and maybe even to another person. The reality of the situation is slowly starting to sink in little by little. I'm so grateful and amazed at the miraculous healing! I feel that by now I should have some really profound and inspiring things to say about what I've learned from this cancer experience. God spared my life! Now I'm wondering why, and how I can say thanks.

People are asking me how I'm doing. Am I ready to get involved in things again? Am I planning to go back to work? I really don't know yet. Right now I'm still "in recovery", as they call it. I guess that takes a while. It feels like a very self-centered lifestyle - just taking care of myself - I'm not used to doing that. I've always just lived without paying much attention to myself and having to do it now takes some discipline and adjustment in my mind set.

Once into chemo treatments, I was told that I needed to take care of myself so that I could help myself get better.  At that stage it was tending to the very basics:  I needed to eat to keep up my weight.  I needed to take my medications, weigh myself regularly, take my temperature daily.  I needed to rest and to sleep to give my body a chance to heal. I needed to walk.  I needed to live and walk and talk with God.

This all felt like a lot to do!  Gradually it became my "new normal"; looking after myself, physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially. My days now include making a huge smoothie first thing every morning.  I toss all kinds of things into the blender:  kale, swiss chard, carrots, celery, pear, apple, banana, blueberries, kefir or yogurt, ground flax seed, cranberry/pomegranate/blueberry juice, etc. I've been attending sessions on healthy cooking/eating at the cancer support centre.  So healthy eating is a big focus for us right now -  even more  fresh fruits and vegetables, less and less red meat and sugar and empty calories, more and more beans and lentils and grains than before. 

Physical fitness is also one of my top priorities.  I do yoga or pilates and we walk every day. My "new normal" is constantly changing and is starting to include more and more as I get better and better. Right now I still find myself doing things more slowly and more deliberately than before. There is no stress or time pressure in my life at all.  It seems like many people in Toronto are soooooo stressed and so busy!  When we try to schedule a time to see each other, some don't have a single block of time free for at least a week!  That's hard to believe when I have so much time on my hands and have to (actually, have the luxury to) spend most of that on myself, recovering for now.  This is not exactly my ideal lifestyle, but it's nice and peaceful and relaxing and healing for now. 

Thankfully my little world is slowly expanding again. This week I joined a few other women to read through portions of the book of Isaiah together.  Alida and I went to Value Village to look for something for her to wear to a "tacky Christmas sweater party" and I drove both there and back!  There were no suitable sweaters left, but she got creative; pulled out the scissors and a glue gun and came up with this...shirt and vest with bells, snowman, poinsettias and silver ribbon glued onto it.  Lots of fun!

And on Friday night a friend and I went to the Toronto Christmas Market in the Distillery District.  A charming European atmosphere! Whenever I have a few relatively active days like this, I generally have a take-it-easy day to recover, but that's all right.  Having to pay a little bit with some extra rest for an exciting adventurous day is definitely worth it for me!

This German booth with its woodcarvings was our favourite one at the market.

Every day again I am amazed that I can walk, and see, and hear, and taste, and speak, and think (clearly most of the time), and do lots of other things that I had thought I might lose because of the brain tumors, which are now gone!  and I'm alive and doing so well!

Thank you, Lord! 

Precious Family Time

Wow! It's beautiful weather outside! We just got in from re-attaching a section of our Christmas lights that came undone and also from a walk to run some errards. Thought we'd take advantage of the wonderfully warm sunshine. 

This past weekend we enjoyed a lot of family time. On Saturday we were eating lunch in the sunshine in the living room.  When I looked up, surprise!  - there was Alida walking up to our house!  She came over to use our scanner and ended up staying until 10 pm!  We had dinner together, initiated the fireplace for this season, had the Christmas tree and music on, and just hung out and played a game of Scrabble in front of the fire.  So "gezellig"! (Dutch for cozy, homey, wonderful!)

Oscar at 11 weeks, modelling his new hat that one of my friends knit for him

And on Sunday afternoon we visited Henry & Melanie and little Oscar.  It had been two weeks since we last saw Oscar.  He's growing up so quickly!  Every time we see him there are big changes.  This time we noticed how responsive he's become. When we talked to him he smiled back at us for the first time and made all kinds of little sounds as if he was trying to carry on a conversation.  So cute!!    He's so incredibly loveable!!!  Totally irresistible!

It's Beginning to Look a Bit Like Christmas

This afternoon we put up our Christmas tree.

Little Oscar got added to our snowman family on the fireplace mantle.

(yellow scarf - bottom right)

Lots of Memories!

About thirty years ago, when our boys were toddlers, I made a very simple burlap banner of a train cut from colourful pieces of felt - to hang in their bedroom. Once they outgrew this picture it somehow ended up above the freezer in our laundry room, got reversed and started accumulating all kinds of pins, 132 of them to be exact!

As I was working on our playroom a few weeks ago I thought it might be fun to hang that train banner back up. That would mean taking all the pins down first.  They've become such a dust collector over the years!  Maybe it's time to clean up and move on?  So in one very decisive moment I started taking the pins off. 

It was not nearly as easy as I had expected.  First of all it was hard to get some of the pins undone, but the harder part was pulling apart this whole wall of memories. I keep reading that to move ahead you have to let go of the past. And that includes cleaning up some of the clutter that has accumulated over the years.  But in pulling apart this display of pins I was caught off guard by the flood of memories and emotions that came over me.

Wow! All these pins that the kids have brought home over the years!  -  for Jump Rope for Heart, Elmer the Safety elephant, no smoking and no drinking campaigns, the Santa Claus parade, Canada Day... Lots of memories!  I started sorting them into categories ...

Camping memories! For some years the provincial parks awarded these pins to the kids for picking up garbage, collecting bottle caps, cleaning up their campsite or meeting various other requirements for the good camper badge. I remember the kids being occupied for hours to earn these pins!

More summertime pins! Swimming lessons, summer camps, Vacation Bible School, the boys attending a Father and Son weekend at Beacon Bible Camp ... There were a lot more from the boys going to a Blue Jays game with Gerard, Alida participating in drama festivals and a Valentine's dance, pins from Henry's Toronto Star paper route, Mark's Beaver penant, Alida's trips to Canada's Wonderland, and on and on....

And then there were these pins that reminded me of volunteering at the Red Cross, The Lighthouse, Toronto City Mission, and canvassing for the Heart and Stroke, Arthritis and Cancer Societies.

And here is a bit of history... the opening of Mel Lastmas Square and the North York Centre subway station, the amazing winter carnivals we used to have in North York, the protest buttons against the amalgamation into the Megacity, that's why there are all the I Love North York buttons.

And then when all the buttons were off, I flipped the empty banner over and there was our train again and that brought back other memories of the boys' room with their bunk bed, the Lego, the Playmobile...

Even though this train looks nice and colourful and tidy, I find it kind of boring compared to the messy collection of buttons that tell a story and bring back tons of memories.  I'm a bit sorry that I took the whole display apart.  And now I'm not sure what to do with all the buttons.  Any suggestions?  They're all in a box for now.  I think I'll pour them out onto our dining room table someday soon when we all get together over the holidays and see what kinds of stories they generate from the whole family.  Lots of precious memories from a pile of inexpensive little pins!