Special Request for Prayer

Where did this whole day go? This is a busy place! Between people taking my blood; nurses changing my IV, checking vital signs, and just checking; phone calls and visits from friends and family; the doctor and a pharmacist stopping by; a steady and busy stream of visitors all day long to one of my room mates; and all the traffic in the hall and the activity at the nursing station just outside my door, this is a "happening place". I didn't even read, or check Facebook or e-mail! Not that those are so important, but I usually have or make time for those things in my day.

I think I need to admit that the chemo treatments are finally starting to affect me. I'm starting to feel a little less energetic, and this evening I'm experiencing some mild nausea for the first time. I just asked the nurse for some kind of a container just in case I can't make it to wherever in time.

Early tomorrow morning (around 9?) I'll be getting another spinal shot of chemo and for the next week need to take three chemo pills a day. Then that's it for this chemo round. I must say that I'm not really looking forward to more chemo medication going into my body tomorrow, but I need to remember that it's also doing positive things. For the last few months there's been something going on with my left leg. It had less strength and somehow not as much mobility as normal. I was kind of hauling myself up stairs using the railing. Starting this morning my left heel felt bruised and gradually there was a strange sensation all the way up the back of my leg and it felt swollen,but wasn't, and then all of a sudden, while I was lying here resting on the bed, my whole left leg "cleared up" and now feels completely normal. So I'm thinking maybe that's the chemo doing it's job!

There just seems to be so much to process and to adjust and re-adjust to, that it feels busy and yet at the same time the days fly by! I thought that being in the hospital was being in a quiet place to rest and get better. And since, up until this past hour, have been feeling so well and having so much (largely artificial) energy, yet at the same time living with the knowledge that I have three cancerous tumors in my head, it's kind of hard to figure out whether I'm sick or well. And now I'm in the hospital to get better and I'm finally feeling nauseous and a little less energetic. Kind of ironic and confusing.

This is all sounding kind of heavy, but there are also humorous and light moments. Like this morning when Katie was visiting...
There is a floor cleaning machine here that looks just like a mini zamboni. A guy drives it in ovals around the halls and lobbies exactly like in the arenas. I just love watching it and was determined to get a picture of it. So today was the day! I saw it on our way down to the Cafe and asked the driver if he was OK with me taking a picture from behind him. He said yes and kept driving, so I kind of had to run, or speed up at least, to keep up with him and came to a sudden stop - oops, forgot I was still attached to my constant companion, my IV pole ! :) But I got the picture I was after! (and will insert it here when I get home, possibly on Sunday or Monday).
And a victory early this morning... I was feeling what are now becoming familiar symbols of low potassium levels and was starting to gerpt anxious about a repeat anxiety or panic attack, when I decided to use the best renpmedy for me - distraction. So I went over to the lounge to watch some TV or do some exercise and that's when I found my hospital garden! A whole window sill full of plant arrangements that patients have left behind. And they were in need of some care so I cleaned them up and watered them and by that time I'd forgotten all about my previous anxiety. Yay!

I have a special request tonight. I know that many of you have been praying for me and our whole family... I'm not sure how exactly to put this into words.. but I have been experiencing some weird and also wonderful things here lately (hence the more serious post today) and have the feeling that there is some spiritual warfare going on here. The morning after having an intense and positive spiritual experience in the middle of the night, I had the most intense panic attack I've ever experienced in my life, just before I was to have my chemo treatment and spinal infusion, causing both to be postponed by a day. And the strange thing is that I hadn't been nervous or worried about either! The very severe panic attack just came out of the blue!

And other strange and unexpected things have been happening too, Yesterday before the spinal infusion I was given an injection for some local freezing that I was told would wear off in about 30 minutes, After the procedure was done the doctor suggested I lie down to prevent the onset of headaches. And as I did, the freezing spread all over my body and I became numb all the way from my neck down! gradually I started feeling sensation again and in about an hour was able to walk to the washroom by myself. The doctor told me later that I had scared the living daylights out of him! We're definitely going to have to talk about the amount of freezing used tomorrow! My allergist used to say that my body is so sensitive that for me he could use the same dosage as for a small baby.

I would really appreciate your prayers for the decision around the amount of freezing to use and for help with the anxiety and panic attacks,especially if this is spiritual warfare.

In closing I'm going to share with you my sister's Facebook status from a few days ago...probably written right after our phone call.

"Thank you Lord, that when we may feel we are losing hold of you, that you hold firmly on to us ... That when OUR strength fails, YOURS is sufficient... That when WE are confused, we know that YOU speak the truth, and YOU know the way in which we should walk. Hold us near your heart, and never let us go!

Thank you, Lord, for my sister!

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