Monday Morning...

Good Monday morning! I've just forced myself back onto the couch even though I'm chomping at the bit to go outside to pick some greens for my second green smoothy. It's hard to pace myself on days like today when I wake up so refreshed and energized and can't believe that there's anything wrong because I'm feeling so well (with limited energy, but well just the same)!

Yesterday I realized that on the days I start in high gear, I end up paying for it with headaches later in the day, whereas when I take it easier in the morning - hardly any or no headaches at all. So today I will do my best to restrain myself.

One of the things on my mind a lot again lately is my hair (hee, hee). Actually, I'm surprised that I still have any left to be concerned about because I had been told that with the chemo I'm on I should expect to lose it in about one week or ten days after the first round (start loosing or lose it all?). Anyway, here I am 10 days after my third round with still enough hair to be concerned about how it looks. A number of the nurses were also surprised to see how much I still had.

my hair - picture taken on Saturday

Actually, I had no idea what to expect, and it's probably different for each individual. That's what I'm being told over and over; don't compare because there are so many kinds of cancer, so many courses of treatment, and each person's body responds in it's own way.

I've seen cancer patients who lost all of their hair and heard others talking about suddenly losing clumps of hair while washing it and then cutting or shaving the rest of it off. So I was kind of expecting to suddenly become bald. Well, live and learn.

Since this hair thing is part of my cancer journey, actually a bigger part than I had ever expected it would be, I'll share my experience so far. If this is too much information for you, just skip this post.

It was probably about a month ago that my hair started falling out, hair by hair. Every once in a while I get kind of an itchy, burning sensation on an area of my head and then the next day it seems that that's the spot where most of the hair falls out that day.  I kind of imagaine the chemo eating away at the roots of my hair, and then the hair falling out.

For a while I hardly dared to comb or wash it in case it would fall out in clumps.  But then I had random loose hairs falling all over the place which was quite annoying.  So I started giving it a good comb first thing in the morning and again before going to bed, and checking it before meals - just to get rid of all the loose hair.  I also needed to get it cut, because as some was falling out the rest was still growing. I either had hat hair or bed hair. It was always a mess. I have never in my life been so preoccupied with my hair! But why would I cut my hair when I'm about to lose it all? I might as well enjoy it while I have it. Thing is, I wasn't enjoying it. Someone advised that I would know what to do and when, but I still didn't, until Alida said that if this is when I would normally get my hair cut, then just go and get it cut.  It's wonderful to have a decisive daughter to help me out in my monents of indecision!

Well, last Thursday I finally decided to stop avoiding and procrastinating (same thing?) and to deal with this hair business. On Friday I went to a hairdresser at the Odette Cancer Centre, who is used to serving cancer patients, and got my hair trimmed. At her suggestion I brought my wig along and she showed me how I could pull out some of my own hair through the bangs and in front of my ears. The colour of my own hair is so similar to that of the wig that you can't even tell one from the other. She was helpful and I decided to wear the wig home just to start getting used to it.

 wearing my wig on Friday

So, in the meantime, even though it is thinning out considerably, I still have enough to go with my own hair, which is much easier to take care of since it was trimmed on Friday. I will enjoy it while I still have it and will try to let it not not become a bigger issue than it needs to be ( but now I'm crying as I'm writing this!).

Lately I've been noticing that many men experience receding hairlines or thinning or total loss of their hair on top of their heads. And now, for the first time, I'm wondering how they feel about that. Are they self conscious about that? Does it bother them at all? I'm guessing that it's different for each individual just like it is for cancer patients.

I must say, though, that I had to chuckle a few weeks ago when our pastor read this passage to us...
Matthew 10:30 -  And even, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. He probably has no idea that I've been almost counting the hairs as they've been falling from my head!

Kids across the street waiting for the school bus this morning.

Love all the umbrellas and the colours!

Time to get up and go and vote!