Still at Home

 tulips and forget-me-nots in our front yard

It's Tuesday evening and I'm still at home.  Maybe I'll get a hospital bed tomorrow.  It was actually quite nice to be outside gardening instead of being in the hospital connected to an IV pole.  The weather was so amazing today!

Yesterday only one bean seed had sprouted and today there were ten!  And some of the bean plants are already 2 or 3 inches tall in one day!  I also replanted the parsley, green onions, mint and basil into the barrel that was flooded a few days ago and is now draining nicely since Gerard drilled holes in it. 

I just love gardening!  It's one of those activities that energizes me.  Having to think of preparing a meal makes me tired right now, but I can work in the garden for 2 or 3 hours straight and gain energy.  If I'm feeling down that's also the place for me to go.  As soon as I start doing anything out there, even as small as pulling a few weeds or cutting off the dead tulips, I feel better in no time.

This morning I woke up with energy so decided to tackle my desk area.  It felt great to get a whole shelf sorted and to bring about 20 books to my "to give away" pile.  I recharged the camera battery, the cell phone and I-Pad all in preparation for my hospital stay.

There are a few things, like my bathrobe and toiletries bag, that I've only used in the hospital so far.  Now when I pull them out they bring back the whole feeling of the hospital; especially the toiletries bag makes me feel that way  This morning when I set it out I just wanted to put it somewhere out of my sight, but I made myself keep it out.  I guess there's a part of me that much prefers home over the hospital.

O well, I had a very good day today.  Last night a friend called and our conversation really boosted my spirits and shifted my frame of mind to a much more positive place, so I'm so grateful for that!  I also asked my oncology nurse about the possibility of meeting with a therapist to talk through trying to figure out how to deal with the emotional experience that comes along with having cancer.  I think maybe being on the steroids at the beginning was pleasant in a way (very pleasant!), but it didn't help me to deal with my emotions.  She said there are lots of resources like that available to cancer patients and their families, and she'll help connect me to the right people. I'm also thinking of checking with Shalem through their Congregational Assistance Plan because my faith is part of this too, so I'd like to see a Christian counsellor if possible.

So I'm looking forward to getting some help with this soon.  Sometimes my emotions are rather overwhelming and then I turn them off somehow and just feel nothing at all.  That's great for not feeling negative things, but at the same time I sometimes miss the joy and excitement of happy things.  Hopefully I can reach some balance in this area.

Oh, and something exciting!  I had typed this post on my I-Pad and for some reason couldn't publish it on this blog, so I went downstairs to our computer and typed it all over from my I-Pad, just as fast as I used to be able to type!!! and with only a few little mistakes!!  This is a huge change from a few months ago!  Thank you Lord, for this great day!

parrot tulips in our front yard